Reading Devdutt Pattanaik

Devdutt Pattanaik is a difficult person to categorise. And perhaps that is precisely what makes his work so interesting.

He studied medicine at Mumbai University and spent nearly fifteen years working in healthcare and the pharmaceutical industry before becoming a full-time writer. Today, with more than seventy books to his credit, he is one of India’s most widely read writers on mythology.

He writes about Hindu, Jain and Buddhist traditions, but his interests extend well beyond India. He has explored Greek mythology and the religious narratives of Christianity and Islam, included in his book, Eden: An Indian Retelling of Jewish, Christian and Islamic Lore. Drawing on ancient texts, translations and their many interpretations, he examines how different cultures use stories to make sense of the world. But he isn’t a priest, a traditional religious scholar or a trained historian.

This unusual position has earned him both admirers and critics. Some academics consider him a popula riser rather than a serious scholar. Hindu nationalists have accused him of distorting and undermining Indian traditions.

Interestingly, both groups seem uncomfortable with him for very different reasons.

But perhaps the problem is that Devdutt doesn’t quite belong to either camp. He approaches mythology with curiosity, questions established interpretations and, most importantly, encourages people to look at familiar stories differently.

And that is worth examining.

What exactly is a myth?

One of Devdutt’s most important ideas is explained in his book Myth = Mithya (2006).

In everyday English, we often use the word myth to describe something that isn’t true. But Devdutt uses the word differently.

For him, a myth is a belief that a community accepts as its truth. It is a way of looking at the world that becomes so familiar that people stop questioning it.

Myths aren’t restricted to religious stories. They exist in our rituals, festivals, symbols, traditions and even our everyday lives.

For example, the belief that progress always makes society better is also a kind of myth. So is the idea that economic growth is always good. Even the belief that modern, rational people have outgrown mythology is, in itself, a belief system.

This doesn’t mean that science and mythology are the same thing. Science examines the natural world through evidence and testing. History investigates what happened in the past. Mythology asks a different question: why do people believe in certain stories, and what do those stories mean to them?

Whether Rama actually lived is one question. Why millions of people look at Rama as an ideal king is another.

Devdutt is interested in the second question.

Gods, psychology and the human mind

Devdutt often approaches mythology through human emotions and behaviour.

He explores fear, desire, insecurity, ambition, relationships and the choices people make. His gods and goddesses aren’t simply distant divine figures. They also represent different ways of understanding human life.

His thinking draws from several Western philosophers and psychologists, particularly Freud and Jung. However, one of the more interesting influences on his work is the French anthropologist Claude Lévi-Strauss.

Lévi-Strauss studied myths by looking at opposing ideas and relationships: nature and culture, forest and village, wilderness and civilisation.

Devdutt uses similar contrasts when explaining Indian mythology.

Take Shiva and Vishnu, for example. Shiva represents the hermit who withdraws from the world, while Vishnu represents the householder who participates in it and maintains its order.

Neither is necessarily superior to the other. They represent different approaches to existence.

Similarly, the forest and Ayodhya in the Ramayana represent two different worlds, each with its own rules and understanding of society.

Even Devdutt’s familiar line drawings serve a purpose. They help readers understand how these ideas relate to one another.

There is, however, a limitation to this approach. Indian mythology has developed over thousands of years, across different regions, communities and traditions. It isn’t a perfectly organised system designed by one person.

Sometimes, Devdutt’s neat explanations can make a rather complicated history look more organised than it really was.

To his credit, he often complicates his own arguments by introducing alternative versions of the same story.

And that brings us to one of the most important aspects of his work.

There is never just one Ramayana

One of the people who influenced Devdutt’s thinking was A.K. Ramanujan, whose famous essay, Three Hundred Ramayanas, argued that there isn’t one single, original Ramayana with several imperfect copies. There are hundreds of versions, each shaped by the community and culture that tells it.

The essay itself became controversial and was eventually dropped from Delhi University’s syllabus in 2011 following protests.

Devdutt took this idea beyond university classrooms and into the hands of ordinary readers.

Books such as The Pregnant King (2008), Jaya (2010), Sita (2013) and Shikhandi (2014) introduced readers to versions of familiar stories that many had never encountered.

He brought together the Valmiki and Vyasa traditions, Tamil and Bengali retellings, Jain versions of the epics and regional practices such as the Aravan festival at Koovagam.

He reminded readers that Sita’s story doesn’t have just one ending. He also drew attention to references in the Valmiki Ramayana that challenge popular assumptions about Rama, including references to meat consumption.

For many readers, this was an eye-opening introduction to the diversity of Indian mythology.

Of course, there is a responsibility that comes with retelling these stories. When versions from different centuries and regions are presented together, readers can sometimes mistake a later interpretation for an ancient source.

A village tradition may be mistaken for the universally accepted version. An author’s interpretation may be remembered as something actually written in the original text.

This is where Devdutt’s work could benefit from more detailed references.

The importance of knowing where a story comes from

There is an important distinction between preserving a story and explaining where it comes from.

India has thousands of communities with oral traditions. Their stories have been passed down through generations without necessarily being written in books.

It would be unfair to dismiss these stories simply because they don’t have a Sanskrit manuscript or an ancient written reference.

But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t ask questions about their origins.

Who tells the story? Which community does it belong to? Where is it told? When was it recorded?

These are important questions.

Writers such as Verrier Elwin documented the stories of communities such as the Baiga, Gond and Agaria in Myths of Middle India (1949). Bhagwandas Patel spent years recording the Mahabharata traditions sung by the Bhil communities of Gujarat.

These examples demonstrate that oral traditions can be documented without taking away their cultural identity.

In fact, documenting their origins protects them.

Otherwise, a writer can simply say that a particular tribal community believes something, without explaining which community, which region or which storyteller the account comes from.

The community disappears, while the author becomes the face of the story.

At the same time, we shouldn’t romanticise oral traditions. They evolve, change and sometimes reflect the inequalities of the communities that preserve them.

The absence of a written text doesn’t automatically make a story ancient, authentic or superior.

What matters is that we respect these traditions enough to document them properly.

East versus West: Is the distinction justified?

Perhaps the most controversial aspect of Devdutt’s writing is his comparison of Indian and Western ways of thinking.

Critics often describe this as an East-versus-West argument. They accuse him of creating an artificial division between two very different civilisations.

There is some justification for questioning such broad comparisons.

Devdutt’s central argument, however, is about two different understandings of life, death and time.

In Judaism, Christianity and Islam, the broad theological understanding is that we live one life, die and eventually face judgement.

In Hinduism, Jainism and Buddhism, the idea of rebirth is central. Actions have consequences that extend across lifetimes, and liberation means escaping this cycle.

These are two very different ways of understanding existence.

Devdutt illustrates this through the story of Alexander encountering an Indian sage. Alexander comes from a tradition in which one life is precious and lasting fame matters. The Indian sage belongs to a worldview in which life and death are part of a much larger cycle.

It is an effective way of introducing the difference.

But there is a problem when we make the distinction too absolute.

Ancient Greece also had traditions of rebirth. Pythagoras believed in the transmigration of souls. Plato discussed rebirth in his writings, including the story of Er in The Republic. The ancient Druids also believed that souls passed into new bodies.

Even within Judaism, the mystical tradition of Kabbalah includes the concept of reincarnation.

And India itself wasn’t always organised around the idea of rebirth.

The Rigveda largely describes the dead going to the world of Yama. The idea of rebirth becomes clearer in later texts such as the Brihadaranyaka and Chandogya Upanishads.

In other words, both civilisations have had different beliefs at different points in their history.

The more accurate argument, therefore, is not that the West never believed in rebirth or that India always did. It is that certain beliefs eventually became dominant in different religious traditions.

That distinction matters.

Why academics are uncomfortable with his arguments

Interestingly, Devdutt isn’t the first scholar to make comparisons between Indian and Western thought.

Louis Dumont, in Homo Hierarchicus (1966), examined Indian society through the idea of hierarchy and compared it with Western ideas of equality.

A.K. Ramanujan also explored differences between Indian and Western ways of thinking in his essay Is There an Indian Way of Thinking? (1989).

Both works are taken seriously in academic circles.

So why does Devdutt attract such resistance?

Perhaps part of the answer lies in the way he communicates.

He takes complicated ideas and presents them through stories, drawings, accessible language and books that people actually want to read.

He doesn’t always use the language of academia. He doesn’t necessarily follow its conventions. And he has managed to reach millions of readers without having to pass through the traditional academic system.

There is something rather uncomfortable about that for an establishment that has traditionally controlled who gets to interpret and explain knowledge.

This doesn’t mean that academic criticism of Devdutt is automatically unfair. His arguments deserve scrutiny, just like those of any other writer.

But dismissing his work simply because it is popular is equally unfair.

Where Devdutt sometimes gets it wrong

It would be dishonest to suggest that Devdutt’s work is beyond criticism.

One of the weaker aspects of his writing is when he moves from explaining religious and cultural ideas to making broad claims about how people behave.

In Business Sutra (2013), for example, he draws comparisons between Indian and Western approaches to business and management.

The suggestion that Western business behaviour is shaped by linear ideas of time, while Indian business behaviour is influenced by the cyclical understanding of the Gita, can be interesting as a starting point.

But it becomes problematic when these ideas are treated as explanations for how entire societies behave.

A businessman in Mumbai chasing quarterly profits isn’t necessarily operating within a cyclical understanding of time. Similarly, a banker in Frankfurt isn’t automatically driven by a particular religious worldview.

Human behaviour is considerably more complicated than that.

The same caution applies to his other comparisons. A useful framework should help us understand the world, not become a convenient explanation for everything.

Why Hindu nationalists dislike him

Devdutt has attracted considerable criticism from Hindu nationalist writers and commentators.

Some accuse him of reducing gods and goddesses to ordinary human characters with personal problems, rather than recognising their divine and cosmic significance.

Others object to his interpretations of the epics, his references to meat consumption in ancient texts, and his insistence that there are multiple versions of the Ramayana.

The argument about food is particularly revealing.

References to meat consumption in ancient Sanskrit texts aren’t inventions of modern writers. They exist in the source material.

What seems to trouble some critics is the suggestion that the religious traditions they regard as fixed and unchanging have actually evolved over time.

There is also a problem with the way Devdutt is categorised. His critics sometimes place him alongside academics and historians such as Romila Thapar, Sheldon Pollock and Wendy Doniger, treating them as part of one larger intellectual conspiracy.

That is hardly a serious way of examining individual arguments.

Some of the philological criticisms made against Devdutt deserve proper answers. Others are little more than ideological disagreements.

Devdutt, unfortunately, hasn’t always helped his own cause.

His responses on social media can sometimes be unnecessarily combative, dismissive and, frankly, quite unpleasant. While he is perfectly entitled to disagree with his critics and defend his work, the manner in which he occasionally engages with people can become a distraction from the very ideas he is trying to defend.

There is a difference between challenging someone’s argument and making the exchange personal. At times, his social media responses have given critics an opportunity to focus on his temperament rather than engage with the substance of his writing.

For someone who has spent so much of his career encouraging people to question ideas and look at different perspectives, a little more restraint in these exchanges would perhaps serve him well.

The academic establishment has its own problems

The resistance Devdutt faces from sections of academia is perhaps more interesting than the criticism he receives from political and religious groups.

The academic establishment values qualifications, peer-reviewed research, citations and established methods of scholarship.

These things are important. They help ensure that ideas are examined, questioned and tested.

But academic institutions can also become exclusive clubs.

A person who hasn’t followed the conventional route can find it difficult to gain acceptance, even if their work reaches a much larger audience.

Devdutt has a medical degree rather than a history doctorate. He writes popular books rather than conventional academic monographs. His columns reach readers who may never pick up a university publication.

And perhaps that is precisely what makes him difficult to accommodate.

The French sociologist Pierre Bourdieu wrote about how academic institutions maintain their authority and determine whose knowledge is considered legitimate.

There is a larger question here: should popularity disqualify someone from being taken seriously?

Of course not.

Popularity doesn’t make an argument correct. But neither does an academic qualification make it automatically correct.

The answer should lie in examining the work itself.

If Devdutt gets a source wrong, point it out. If his interpretation is weak, challenge it. If his argument is interesting, take it further.

Silence isn’t a particularly useful response.

And by leaving the conversation to ideological opponents, academics may actually be surrendering the very space they claim to want to protect.

Mythology and history are not the same thing

One of Devdutt’s more interesting distinctions appears in his work on Itihaasa.

He separates two subjects that are often confused.

The first is the history of mythology. This examines how stories and beliefs have changed over time.

When did the idea of rebirth become established? How did Vedic religious practices evolve? What did ancient texts say about food, sacrifice and social customs? How did different versions of the Ramayana emerge?

These are questions that require historical evidence, textual research and an understanding of how societies change.

The second is the mythology of history.

This examines the stories that communities tell themselves about their past.

For example, the idea of a glorious ancient India, the belief that everything was better before foreign invasions, or the image of particular historical rulers as perfect heroes.

These are not simply historical accounts. They are narratives that help people understand their identity and their place in the world.

And this applies to everyone.

Nationalists have their preferred versions of history. Political movements have theirs. Even historians can approach the past with assumptions about which questions matter and which events deserve attention.

The important point is that history and the stories we construct around history aren’t necessarily the same thing.

Devdutt’s argument is that we need to examine both.

So, how should we read Devdutt Pattanaik?

I think the best way to approach Devdutt’s work is to separate three questions.

Is the story he is telling accurately represented in the original source?

Is his interpretation of that story convincing?

And does the interpretation help us understand something about the way people live, think and behave today?

These are three different questions, and they don’t always have the same answer.

A retelling may not be entirely accurate but may still offer an interesting interpretation. An interpretation may be original but poorly supported. A historical fact may be perfectly correct but tell us very little about why a particular community continues to value a story.

We need to be able to appreciate what works, question what doesn’t and remain open to different interpretations.

That, after all, is what reading should be about.

The final word

There is an interesting example in Indian history.

D.D. Kosambi was a mathematician who became one of India’s most respected historians, despite not having followed the conventional academic route into the discipline.

His work survived because other scholars engaged with it, challenged it, built upon it and took his arguments further.

That is ultimately what determines whether an intellectual contribution has lasting value.

Devdutt already has something that most writers can only dream of: an enormous readership. He has introduced millions of people to stories, traditions and interpretations they might otherwise never have encountered.

But readership and intellectual legacy aren’t necessarily the same thing.

For his ideas to survive beyond his books, other writers, researchers and scholars must engage with them seriously. They must challenge his arguments, correct his mistakes, expand his ideas and sometimes disagree with him entirely.

Perhaps that is the next stage of the Devdutt Pattanaik story.

He has made mythology accessible to millions. He has encouraged people to question the idea that there is only one version of a story, one interpretation of a god or one way of understanding India’s past.

Now the question is whether others will take that conversation forward.

Because the purpose of knowledge isn’t to create another authority that must never be questioned.

It is to make us question a little more, understand a little better and remain curious enough to know that there is always another story.

When Hate Is the New Normal

The murder of Mad Sandhu has stayed with me.

Not simply because a young, openly gay content creator was shot dead in Amritsar. Not simply because he was someone who had made a place for himself in the public eye by being unapologetically himself. And not simply because he was part of a community that I, too, belong to.

It has stayed with me because it has brought back a question I have been asking myself for some time:

What exactly are we celebrating in India today?

I have seen people repeatedly point to 2018 and say that unprecedented rights were “given” to LGBTQIA+ people by the government. But let us be precise about what happened.

In 2018, the Supreme Court of India decriminalised consensual sex between adults of the same sex by striking down the application of Section 377 to such relationships.

That was not a government bestowing a special favour upon gay people.

It was the judiciary recognising that gay people are human beings and that our fundamental rights cannot depend upon the sexual orientation of the majority.

And frankly, I struggle with the idea that this should be presented as some extraordinary achievement.

Being told that I am no longer a criminal for loving another consenting adult is not a privilege.

It is a basic human right.

It was a colonial criminalisation that should never have existed in the first place.

And decriminalisation is only the beginning.

I can have sex with another man without being a criminal. Wonderful.

But can my partner and I marry under Indian law?

No.

Can our relationship automatically provide us with the legal protections, inheritance rights, medical decision-making rights, pension rights and family rights that heterosexual married couples take for granted?

No.

Is there a comprehensive civil-union framework that recognises our relationships?

No.

Can a queer couple simply adopt jointly as a couple in the same way a married heterosexual couple can?

No.

The law has, in effect, told us:

You are not criminals. But neither are you fully recognised as families.

That distinction matters.

Because discrimination does not disappear merely because the criminal code stops punishing you.

And while we debate these questions in comfortable rooms and on social media, people continue to live with the consequences of hatred.

Mad Sandhu was openly gay. He was a public figure. He created content around LGBTQIA+ issues and had experienced homophobic abuse online. He was shot dead in Amritsar on 3 October.

At this point, we do not know whether his murder was legally a hate crime. The police investigation is ongoing, and there are several angles being examined, including previous tensions surrounding his social-media content.

But that uncertainty should not make us blind to the larger question.

Why should anyone have to wonder whether being visibly queer makes them a target?

I am a gay man.

I am also a content creator.

I have been creating content publicly for years. I know what it means to put a part of yourself on the internet and invite strangers into your life. I know what it means to be visible.

And perhaps that is why Mad Sandhu’s death feels particularly disturbing to me.

My grandmother’s surname was Sandhu. I come from a Sikh family on my father’s side and a Parsi family on my mother’s side. I have never really followed religion in the conventional sense. I have spent years reading about religion, questioning it, trying to understand it and trying to understand what it means to be a human being in a world in which people are willing to kill one another over competing ideas of God.

And one thing I have noticed repeatedly is that the most beautiful parts of religions are remarkably similar.

Love.

Compassion.

Charity.

Non-violence.

Human dignity.

Brotherhood.

The recognition that we are part of something larger than ourselves.

Yet somehow, so much of our public discourse has become the exact opposite.

We are encouraged to identify the person who is different from us.

The Muslim.

The Hindu.

The Sikh.

The Christian.

The queer person.

The woman who refuses to behave as society expects her to.

The person who speaks a different language.

The person whose politics are different from ours.

And once we have identified the “other”, we are encouraged to hate them.

I recently had a conversation with someone at my gym who seemed to believe that the only legitimate response to the problems created by Islamist extremism is to talk about Muslims, jihadis and the violence committed in the name of Islam.

I understand the anger at terrorism.

I condemn terrorism.

I condemn religious extremism.

I condemn the murder of innocent people regardless of who commits it or what God they claim to be acting for.

But I cannot accept the idea that violence becomes more acceptable because it is committed by someone whose religion, politics or identity I happen to agree with.

Violence is violence.

A murdered gay man does not become less worthy of justice because someone else can produce a list of crimes committed by Muslims.

A murdered Muslim does not become less worthy of justice because someone can produce a list of crimes committed by Hindus.

A raped woman does not become less worthy of justice because the accused belongs to a political party we support.

And a tree being cut down does not become less tragic because the project creating the destruction promises economic growth.

This is where I find our current discourse so deeply disturbing.

We have begun to confuse political loyalty with morality.

We are told to celebrate economic development, industrialisation and national power. But what happens when development destroys forests? What happens when rivers and groundwater are poisoned? What happens when habitats disappear? What happens when the air becomes unbreathable and the natural resources that sustain us become commodities?

What exactly have we gained then?

Money?

Infrastructure?

A bigger economy?

And what have we lost?

Clean air.

Clean water.

Forests.

Animals.

Biodiversity.

Beauty.

Perhaps most importantly, our sense of responsibility towards one another.

I also cannot accept the argument that because a government has done some things that I might agree with, I must therefore overlook everything else.

That is not how democracy is supposed to work.

A government is not a parent.

A political party is not a religion.

A prime minister is not a king.

And citizenship is not supposed to require gratitude.

We are supposed to question those who govern us.

We are supposed to demand accountability.

We are supposed to protect institutions.

We are supposed to defend the rights of minorities even when we are not members of those minorities ourselves.

And we are supposed to be able to say, “I support this policy, but I oppose that one.”

That is not betrayal.

That is democracy.

We are currently witnessing protests over allegations of electoral manipulation and voter suppression, including anger over changes to electoral rolls and demands for accountability from the Election Commission. These allegations must be investigated properly rather than simply accepted or dismissed according to our political loyalties.

Because democracy is not merely the act of voting.

Democracy is the belief that my vote matters.

That your vote matters.

That the person whose politics I despise has exactly the same right to participate in the democratic process as I do.

Without that principle, elections become theatre.

And that is dangerous for every one of us.

We have also seen the disturbing spectacle of convicted criminals occupying positions of political influence, as well as governments granting remission to convicted criminals in extraordinarily controversial circumstances. In the Bilkis Bano case, eleven men convicted of gang rape and murder were released early by the Gujarat government in 2022 before the Supreme Court overturned the remission and ordered them back to prison.

That episode should have forced all of us to ask an uncomfortable question:

Do we actually believe in justice, or do we believe in justice only when it happens to people we dislike?

I ask myself the same question.

Because I don’t want a country in which justice is determined by religion.

I don’t want a country in which justice is determined by political affiliation.

I don’t want a country in which justice is determined by sexuality.

I don’t want a country in which justice is determined by gender.

I don’t want a country in which justice is determined by caste, wealth or social status.

I want a country in which a human being’s humanity is enough.

And this is where my understanding of Hinduism also differs profoundly from the political version of Hinduism that is increasingly presented to us.

I am not Hindu, and I don’t claim to speak for Hinduism.

But I have read enough about India’s religious traditions to know that Hindu thought is extraordinarily diverse, internally argumentative and philosophically expansive. It contains traditions that have contemplated plurality, coexistence, questioning, debate and the possibility of approaching the divine in different ways.

I do not recognise the idea that Hinduism needs to become a rigid political identity defined primarily by whom we oppose.

Nor do I accept the remaking of Hindu thought into a narrow, exclusionary framework simply because that makes for effective political mobilisation.

Religion can be beautiful.

But the moment religion becomes an excuse for deciding that another human being is inherently inferior, something has gone terribly wrong.

And this isn’t really about Hinduism.

It is about us.

What kind of people are we becoming?

Because somewhere along the way, we seem to have forgotten that there is a difference between being right and being humane.

You can win an argument and still be cruel.

You can defeat your political opponent and still be unjust.

You can prove that another religion has extremists and still be a bigot.

You can condemn Islamist terrorism and still be incapable of condemning Hindu extremism.

You can celebrate the decriminalisation of homosexuality and still fail to fight for queer families.

You can call yourself progressive and still participate in misogyny.

You can call yourself religious and still behave in a manner completely opposed to the compassion your religion teaches.

And you can call yourself patriotic while destroying the very land, water, animals and people that make up the country you claim to love.

Mad Sandhu’s death has brought all of this back to the surface for me.

Because it is very easy to say, “This doesn’t affect me.”

Until it does.

It is easy to ignore homophobia when the victim is someone else.

It is easy to ignore religious hatred when the victim worships a different God.

It is easy to ignore misogyny when the woman being silenced is not someone you know.

It is easy to ignore environmental destruction when the tree being cut down isn’t outside your home.

It is easy to ignore attacks on democratic institutions when you believe your own political side will benefit.

Until one day, the hatred reaches your doorstep.

And then it is too late to wonder why nobody spoke.

So perhaps that is the question we should be asking ourselves now.

Not:

“What has this government given us?”

But:

“What kind of country are we building?”

A country where a gay man can be murdered for being visible?

A country where minorities are taught to fear majorities and majorities are taught to fear minorities?

A country where political loyalty is more important than truth?

A country where forests are expendable and rivers are commodities?

A country where women have to protest to be heard?

A country where democratic institutions are questioned but accountability is treated as political warfare?

Or a country where we finally understand that rights are not gifts handed down by governments.

They belong to us because we are human.

The right to love.

The right to live without fear.

The right to worship — or not worship.

The right to disagree.

The right to vote.

The right to dignity.

The right to exist.

These are not achievements that a government should expect gratitude for.

They are the minimum conditions of a humane society.

And perhaps Mad Sandhu’s death should make us stop and ask ourselves, before the next person is killed, silenced, raped, displaced, imprisoned, persecuted or simply forgotten:

What are we waiting for?

How much hatred do we need to witness?

How much blood do we need to see?

How close does violence need to come to our own front door before we decide that something has gone terribly wrong?

Because by then, it may already be too late.

Of Renovations & Rocks

October has barely begun, and I had hoped — rather optimistically, perhaps — that it would be kinder to me this year.

It wasn’t.

On the second day of October, I came down with allergic pharyngitis.

It probably shouldn’t have surprised me. The previous day had been one of those absurdly long days that have become almost routine since I started refurbishing Savera. I had gone to Alfa to pick up an artefact, but ended up picking up a host of things. An artificial plant that had been sitting in storage was one of them.

By evening, my throat was beginning to feel irritated. I ignored it.

By the following morning, it was painful enough that I had to start medication — something I hadn’t needed to do in quite some time.

And so, barely forty-eight hours into October, I found myself thinking: Of course. Why would October be any different?

My life lately has become a curious combination of renovation project management, furniture hunting, electricians, carpenters, painters, lighting, artefacts, artificial plants, endless decisions and an almost pathological fear that I will forget something and have to make another trip later.

On the second, I spent much of the afternoon walking around the furniture lane in Oshiwara, looking for a coffee table for Geeta (we’re making do with cushions for dish placements) and things for the showcase at Savera. Earlier, I had been at the house checking what the painters had done, asking whether the rooms had been cleaned and discussing what still needed to happen. Then I went back again in the evening to speak to the electrician and discuss new fittings and lights.

Then I came home.

That, more or less, is what a day in my life looks like these days.

And somewhere in the middle of all this chaos is Anand.

My partner. My compatriot. My co-conspirator.

My Rock of Gibraltar.

Twenty-six years.

That’s how long we’ve been doing this thing called life together, and I honestly don’t know where I would be without him.

Since my aunts passed away, I have felt a kind of loneliness that is difficult to explain. My aunts have always had my back, and I was incredibly fortunate to have them. There is a particular kind of comfort in having people who know you instinctively — people you can turn to without having to explain yourself.

I miss that.

Anand doesn’t understand me completely.

Nobody does.

And, to be fair, there are plenty of times when I don’t understand Anand either.

But he has my back.

And there is an enormous difference between those two things.

That distinction has become particularly clear during this renovation.

He has been part chauffeur, part sounding board, part co-project-manager and part unwilling participant in my increasingly elaborate ideas. He works from home, as I do, and has driven me around, helped me make plans, spoken to contractors and listened to me rail about mistakes, delays, costs and things that haven’t been done the way I imagined.

But I should be fair to him.

This isn’t a story about me having grand visions while Anand patiently follows along behind me.

Anand has his own ideas.

He is stubborn about them too.

He forgets things.

He can be careless.

He can be messy.

There are times when I have to remind him about things, just as there are times when he has to remind me.

There are decisions where I will look at him and think, How on earth did you arrive at that conclusion?

And I’m sure he has had exactly the same thought about me.

That is the reality of twenty-six years together.

You don’t spend a quarter of a century with someone without discovering their irritating habits.

You don’t become someone’s partner without occasionally wanting to shake them.

And you certainly don’t renovate a house together without finding out exactly how stubborn both of you can be.

But somewhere beneath all that is something much more important.

We show up for each other.

Recently, I went out thinking I had a fairly specific list of things I wanted to look at. Anand was the one who pointed out the plants. He was the one who suggested we check out the lighting shop. He remembered that we needed a new modem. He thought about the HDMI cable I needed for my PS5.

I had gone out looking for artefacts.

He helped turn the trip into a much more practical list of things that actually needed doing.

And that is one of the things I value about him.

Not that he always gets it right.

He doesn’t.

Neither do I.

But he notices things I don’t.

And I notice things he doesn’t.

That is how we’ve worked for twenty-six years.

Take our spectacular inability to bargain.

Neither of us can do it.

A carpenter recently quoted ₹4,000 for a door measuring about one and a half feet by two feet. I thought that was expensive, but neither Anand nor I bargained.

When I complained afterwards, Anand pointed out something rather sensible: if I wanted to negotiate, I should have done it before the work began, not after the carpenter had already put in the effort.

I couldn’t really argue with that.

We are both soft-hearted in that particular way. We understand that there is another person on the other side of the transaction, someone who has spent time and effort doing the work.

We both have this slightly ridiculous tendency to think, Well, it’s only money.

Of course, that doesn’t mean we always agree about money.

Anand frequently asks whether I really need something.

I frequently believe that I absolutely do.

I went out intending to buy one artificial plant.

I came back with three.

Anand asked, more than once, whether we really needed the other two.

I ignored him.

He was probably right.

But I also know why I did it. I don’t want to find myself halfway through the renovation thinking, Oh, that plant would have been perfect there, and then have to start the entire search again.

There is a little bit of FOMO in furnishing a house.

There is also, admittedly, a little bit of me being me.

And that’s where Anand and I balance each other — sometimes successfully, sometimes not.

He tries to rein me in.

I sometimes persuade him to let me have my way.

Sometimes he is right.

Sometimes I am.

Sometimes neither of us is.

And sometimes we simply get tired of arguing and move on.

That, too, is twenty-six years together.

We have also been known to have completely different ideas about what belongs in the house.

Today, while we were looking at artefacts, Anand spotted a rocking horse with flower designs on it — a very kitschy Rajasthani-style piece.

He liked it.

My sister and I took one look and decided that it absolutely could not go into the showcase.

Neither side was particularly interested in being persuaded.

And honestly, that’s fine.

Anand doesn’t have my eye for colour, furniture placement and decorative detail. But then, I don’t have his eye for everything either.

He sees things I don’t.

He remembers things I forget.

He forgets things I remember.

He can be stubborn.

So can I.

He can be careless.

So can I.

He can be messy.

I would prefer not to discuss this particular category too closely.

But when something really matters, he is there.

And that is the part I don’t want to lose sight of in the middle of all the renovation madness.

I’ve put nearly ₹4 lakh into Savera already, and the renovation isn’t finished yet. There will be more money spent, more decisions made and more things that inevitably go wrong and have to be fixed.

Anand has contributed financially too.

More importantly, he has contributed his time.

He has driven me around Mumbai. He has come with me to look at things. He has spoken to people. He has helped me think through decisions. He has listened to me complain. He has told me when I’m going overboard.

And yes, sometimes he has shouted at me.

Sometimes I’ve deserved it.

Sometimes I haven’t.

Sometimes I’ve shouted back.

That’s us.

It isn’t perfect.

It isn’t supposed to be.

There is a temptation, when writing about a long relationship, to turn the other person into some impossibly patient saint who has spent twenty-six years nobly tolerating your eccentricities.

That isn’t Anand.

And it isn’t me.

We are two imperfect people who have somehow managed to build a life together.

We annoy each other.

We forget things.

We disagree.

We get stubborn.

We occasionally make terrible decisions.

We sometimes spend too much money.

We sometimes think the other person is being completely unreasonable.

And then, somehow, we get into the car together and go and look at another light fitting.

Because underneath all those little irritations is the thing that matters.

He shows up.

After my aunts died, I became much more conscious of how alone a person can feel, even when there are people around them.

My aunts had always given me that feeling of having someone in my corner. I miss that terribly.

Anand cannot replace them.

He doesn’t need to.

He is something different.

He is the person who has chosen to stand beside me for twenty-six years.

He doesn’t always understand me.

He doesn’t always agree with me.

He doesn’t always have the right answer.

He doesn’t always remember what I told him five minutes ago.

And he can be every bit as stubborn, careless and messy as I can.

But when I need him, he is there.

And when he needs me, I am there.

Perhaps that’s what a partnership really is.

Not finding somebody who completes you.

Not finding somebody who never annoys you.

Not finding somebody who agrees with everything you say.

Finding somebody with whom you can be completely yourself — difficult, unreasonable, generous, stubborn, silly, anxious, excited, messy, particular and occasionally impossible — and still know that they are going to be standing beside you at the end of the day.

Someone who will tell you that three artificial plants are excessive.

Someone who will then help you figure out where to put them.

Someone who will argue with you about money.

Someone who will still help pay for the things you eventually buy.

Someone who will tell you that your idea is ridiculous.

Someone who will drive you there anyway.

That is Anand.

Twenty-six years later, he is still my Rock of Gibraltar.

The phrase was used to describe him to me nearly twenty years ago, and I remember it because it felt right then.

It feels even more right now.

Because a rock doesn’t have to agree with you.

It doesn’t have to understand every thought in your head.

It doesn’t have to be perfect.

It simply has to be there.

And Anand has been there.

Through twenty-six years of life, through its absurdities and its heartbreaks, through all the ordinary days and the extraordinary ones, through arguments and laughter and mistakes and forgiveness.

And now, apparently, through artificial plants, electricians, carpenters, painters, furniture shopping and a renovation that seems determined to consume my entire life.

October may have started with a sore throat.

Savera may still be driving me slightly mad.

The house may still be unfinished.

And Anand and I may still be completely incapable of bargaining.

But when I look around at the chaos, there is one thing I know.

I’m not doing it alone.

I have him.

And after twenty-six years, that still feels like one of the greatest pieces of luck in my life.