Nothing in this life lasts long.
Friendship you realize is the same:
It changes from weak to strong,
Then back to forgetting your name.
There are duplicitous games,
Played amongst its rules;
Reason and logic it often tames
And makes all complete fools.
I have never asked for much.
Just to live the way You made me.
I have lived by my terms alone.
Those were conducted honestly.
No great ambition, no low vice,
Yet I’ve suffered loss, greatly so;
But I have shown no cowardice
And this is something You do know.
You put one hubris in my heart:
This need that burns within my core.
You caressed it thrice with your pawns
Ultimately, I was Your whore.
You threw down love, like ‘twas my fee,
For all that I have given You.
Maybe my mistake was calling you Father
After lying before you naked and true.
I love You. But don’t treat me thus!
It’s unfair to make me desire.
On giving, you make me Your whore
But know that makes You my buyer.
If You need revenge of some sort,
You are exacting it quite well,
And in the pain of my loved ones
You are creating my hell.
People talk of life after death;
But, oh, I know the truth so well,
Each smile You let is my heaven,
Each tear You force is my hell.
5:45am
7th October.
I walked for miles tonight; despair my goad;
From your doorstep to the signal lights of Link Road.
My feet moved on, with strength endless,
And time found made my mind confess.
Thoughts assailed me from hither and yon;
But, yes, as I walked on, I grew less forlorn.
From the time I left you, I searched for Hair;
But this need was overridden by despair.
As I rounded Mithibai, I looked up at a tree:
Streetlights lit its polished leaves in vanity,
Their bellies glowed golden like the setting sun,
For all their show, my gaze on them was the only one.
I was part angry, part dejected, because of you,
Though a few smaller factors were at work, too.
Betrayals I am well-versed with, for sure!
And regarding them, time, I know, is the best cure!
I passed Juhu Gali and saw a bitch and her puppy,
Felt love, hate, depair, frustration, felicity…
I want you to steal the fire from the sun;
Wish you to declare: for you I am the only one;
That you’ll be mine despite even Heaven above!
Lover, if words are not your scope then act!
Don’t play dumb when you dislike a lover’s act!
I part venture out at night to see
How far could I go before you stop me.
Hold my arms, bar my way!
If not implore, demand me stay!
Say my walking alone at night
Fills your heart with fright!
Don’t just offer money and say go back home,
Bring me back to make sure I don’t roam.
To me, that would speak of how much you care,
Ah! But your pride leads to my despair.
At Sony’s showroom, I looked up at the sky,
And, through the clouds, saw a plane pass by,
Thoughts of my sister, in a distant land, assailed,
Thoughts of spurning riches prevailed;
I did so, for I gave value to matters of the heart,
But you, too, saw different right from the start…
I do not doubt the measure of your love for me –
But pride and lack of action suits your vanity;
Then there are filial ties that bind you;
And I’m suffocated by my age, too.
Moments pass and I finally sit in a rickshaw,
I look at hair and get reminded of each flaw.
Then I return home to compose this verse:
Construct a marriage car fused with a hearse.
I have still no clue as to what’s wrong or right;
But know there’ll be more walks for me at night.
2nd September, 2004.
3:00 am
Hearts Still Care 
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