Let Go

I have let go of
My reaching out to you;
And your warmth in bed;
And otherwise, too.

I have let go of love;
And love has let me go;
I doubt there’s greater pain
Than that of feeling so.

I have let go of a past,
With no great regrets;
I have let go of how soon
Every man forgets.

I have let go of dreams;
Because mine are strangers,
With no wealth or power;
But different dangers.

I let go of being betrayed;
Of not being caressed;
I let go of the intimacy
That promises professed.

I have held lives I loved,
In the palm of my hand;
And made the decision,
You may never understand.

I have let go of ash
From the bodies I burned;
And let the sea have those
For whom I yearned.

When I’ll let go of hope,
I’ll give up the last part of me,
Then will there never be,
A speck left for you of me.

The Beginning

It starts with little things:
A shout in a conversation,
A caress shrugged off,
A turning away in sleep,
Or a small promise
One forgot to keep.

It starts small:
A forgotten holiday,
Or a hug once a day,
A letter never written,
Or a word one needed to say.
A refusal to touch
After all,
Speaks more than words
By not sleeping much.

It starts quietly:
No great feeling of loss,
Just a tingling warning,
A squinting of the eye,
The littlest lie,
And then there is
Destiny’s pulling back,
As it starts to die.

The Coming

Insecurity is not at all flattering:
It reeks of imagined loss and current fear;
The former hasn’t happened quite yet;
The latter forgets all who hold you dear.

The night brings it back,
When lovers snore and sleep;
And all you do is gaze into the dark,
Wondering if it’s truly that deep.

Anxiety may follow suit and soon –
But –

You ejaculate in your hand!

A calm replaces the tumult
And fear is no longer that grand.

Loss still remains. So you bear it;
You recall you have borne it before!
You understand you can and will bear it,
Even if life makes it erupt once more.