Tag: Patriarchy

The Cycle of Extremism

Published on by Harpreet Chhachhia1 Comment

Yesterday, I had a conversation with a friend that left me thinking deeply about the state of the world. I had shared a disturbing video of two men openly advocating for the subjugation of women, even going so far as to say that women who refuse to conform should be burnt and killed. This was not some obscure, hidden conversation—it was being circulated on social media for anyone to see. Understandably, my friend, along with one of my nieces, was horrified. My niece reacted by saying, “This is a terrible country; we need to leave it.”

But I disagreed. Not because I don’t see the horrors around me, but because I have come to a stark realisation: leaving a country does not change the fundamental issues of humanity.

The Global Right-Wing Surge

In 2013, when the rise of right-wing ideology became evident in my own country, (the Supreme Court had criminalised gay sex) I understood that, as a gay man, I would never enjoy the rights and privileges that straight people take for granted. I contemplated leaving, thinking perhaps another country would offer a more progressive and accepting life.

But then 2014 happened. Then in 2016, Donald Trump’s rise in America signalled the same shift towards conservatism that I had seen at home. Russia had Vladimir Putin, who allegedly sent LGBTQ+ individuals to detention camps for “correction.” Horror stories from those camps surfaced, painting a grim picture of the global state of human rights.

In 2019, J.K. Rowling, a writer I had long admired, shattered my trust when she dismissed the trans movement with her comments about sex being real. And when Trump was re-elected, it became clear that the right-wing resurgence was not a fluke—it was a reflection of the people’s will. The agenda of moral policing, religious revivalism, and historical revisionism was not being imposed from the top down; it was being demanded by the public itself.

It’s Not Just Governments—It’s the People Who Elect Them

The problem isn’t just the leaders in power; it’s the people who vote for them. If there weren’t millions who shared their views, these leaders wouldn’t exist in the first place. The unfortunate reality is that large sections of society believe in patriarchy, misogyny, homophobia, and the rigid moral codes dictated by scripture. They don’t just tolerate these ideas—they actively champion them.

This is why changing countries does nothing to change the underlying problem. Extremist views exist everywhere, manifesting in different forms depending on the cultural and political landscape. The rise of the right in one place will eventually be mirrored by a rise in another.

The Death of Nuanced Thinking

What troubles me most is the lack of nuanced thinking in today’s world. Everything is reduced to binaries: right or wrong, good or evil, us versus them. The idea that one might be wrong, or that another perspective might hold some validity, is almost extinct. Instead, people seek validation for their existing beliefs, reinforcing echo chambers that fuel further division.

Social media only exacerbates this problem. It has become a tool not for discussion, but for ideological warfare. People don’t debate to understand; they argue to win. The absence of self-reflection, of walking in another’s shoes, has led to a society where dehumanisation is normalised.

The Cycle of Extremism

Looking back at history, this cycle is nothing new. There were always people who opposed war, but wars happened anyway. Humanity has never been ruled by collective goodwill—it has always been driven by power, self-interest, and ideological battles.

Right now, we are witnessing a global right-wing surge. But this, too, will change. Eventually, people will grow tired of oppression, and the left will rise again. And then, as history has shown us, the cycle will repeat itself. The tragedy is that in the midst of these power shifts, real people suffer. Some are marginalised, some lose their rights, and some even lose their lives.

Finding Strength in Allies

But amidst all this turmoil, there is one silver lining: times like these reveal who our true allies are. When society is divided, we learn who stands with us and who stands against us. We build our own families—not through blood, but through shared beliefs and values. We find the people who will fight alongside us, and we learn who to keep at a distance.

That, perhaps, is the only positive thing about these dark times.

So no, changing countries will not solve the problem. The issue is not geographical—it is deeply rooted in human nature. The only real way forward is to continue resisting, to keep advocating for a better world, and to never stop fighting for justice. Because while the cycle may continue, so will the fight for what is “right”.

art portrait arwen undomiel tolkien

How Women Can Be Their Own Worst Enemies

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

We talk so much about men being the problem—and let’s be real, patriarchy is a man-made hellscape—but what we don’t talk about enough is how often women themselves keep this toxic cycle alive. It’s not just men enforcing these outdated, oppressive rules. Sometimes, it’s mothers, aunts, teachers, older sisters—the very women who should be fighting for the next generation but instead become their biggest roadblock. And it’s not always because they’re evil or malicious. A lot of times, it’s because they never had the chance to break free themselves.

When Women Become the Enforcers of Patriarchy

Ever met a woman who’s so bitter about her own lack of choices that she makes damn sure her daughter has just as few? It’s tragic, but it happens all the time. A mother who was forced into an arranged marriage at 18 won’t let her daughter marry for love because she wasn’t allowed to. A woman who had to give up her education to be a housewife makes sure her daughter stays “in her limits” instead of pursuing a career. It’s the whole “If I suffered, so should you” mentality.

Why? Because freedom can feel like an insult to those who never had it. Instead of seeing their daughters break the cycle and being proud, they see it as a slap in the face. A reminder of what they never got. And so, they pull their own daughters back into the same trap, justifying it as “tradition,” “duty,” or “the right way for a woman to be.”

Audre Lorde said it best: “The master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house.” If women keep enforcing the same patriarchal rules that were forced on them, how does anything ever change?

Women Who Defend Their Own Oppression

Then there’s another category: the “pick me” women. The ones who will do anything to be validated by men, even if it means throwing other women under the bus. These are the ones who say, “I’m not like other girls,” who shame feminists, who defend men like Andrew Tate, and who parrot the same misogynistic nonsense they’ve heard from their fathers, brothers, and boyfriends.

This isn’t new. It’s the same reason so many women campaigned against their own right to vote back in the early 20th century. It’s why you’ll find women justifying domestic abuse, policing other women’s clothing, or preaching that a woman’s biggest achievement is “being a good wife and mother”—even when it’s clear they themselves are miserable in those roles.

It’s internalised misogyny at its finest, and it’s exhausting.

Queer Men and the Femme Stigma

As a queer person, I understand this on another level. The world punishes femininity—whether it’s in women or men. One of the reasons so many gay men get bullied isn’t just because they’re gay; it’s because they’re femme. Because in this cis male-dominated world, nothing is seen as more pathetic than a man who acts like a woman. It tells you everything you need to know about how society sees women.

And let’s not forget, a lot of homophobic bullying by boys? It’s done to impress girls. I’ve seen it firsthand—boys making fun of the “gay kid” just to get a few laughs from the girls around them. And some of these girls? They laugh because deep down, they’ve been taught that men being soft, vulnerable, or feminine is disgusting. They’ve learned that from their mothers, who learned it from their mothers, and the cycle goes on.

Let’s break this pattern!

We can’t just say “men need to do better” and leave it at that. Because the reality is, if women are still raising their daughters to be obedient and their sons to be dominant, nothing really changes.

• Teach kids young. This isn’t just about telling girls they can be strong; it’s about telling boys they can be soft. That crying isn’t weak. That being kind isn’t “gay.” That respect isn’t conditional.

• Call out internalised misogyny when you see it. If a woman is tearing another woman down, question it. Ask why. Make her reflect.

• Stop raising women to suffer. If you’re a mother, an aunt, a sister, an older cousin—don’t clip another girl’s wings just because yours were clipped. Let her fly.

At the end of the day, we’re all hurting in one way or another. The least we can do is stop adding to each other’s pain. Instead of telling people to “rise above” their suffering, maybe we should start pulling through it together.

Preeti Sikka

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

I wasn’t going to write a review on a movie like Kabir Singh. But today, I had another discussion with a friend who liked the movie. I don’t consider it to be a good movie. Socially or technically. The movie should actually be called Preeti Sikka. Because let’s face it, the person who breaks the fourth wall is her.

I know where the movie goes wrong. So many places. But look at the way it seems to be earning bucks. Most of the people on social media seem to be loving it. It was made with a budget of 60 crore and it earned 380 crore at the box office. What was I missing?

I decided to save my opinion until after I saw the movie. I first started watching Arjun Reddy on Netflix, and then after a while, the subtitles and what was going on was too much to process for my mind, so I switched over to Kabir Singh. The same director directed the two and the scenes have been replicated to a letter, so I don’t suppose I missed out on nuances in the original. Though I have been told by a director friend, who has seen both, that Vijay Devarkonda version has portrayed sensitivity – attributing it to Vijay’s depiction of the character. I don’t think I shall be able to see Arjun Reddy though.

Most of the vignettes (if I can call them that) in the movie reek with such machismo that it sets feminism back several decades. I have been told of the culture of med college life, but first year college girls, walking like subjugated slaves, (the heroine in virginal white) isn’t something that I can still quite get over. The movie is like the over-the-top, male-dominated Hindi movies you watch, where the brash hero is filled with such ego that the match stick he flicks from his lips can skewer the villain standing yards away. I guess it’s a different sort of fantasy genre.

Maybe not.

Maybe these things actually happen in our society. Where a woman is taken over without a by your leave and branded as a Texan cowboy would do to his cattle. It’s a fair analogy. Because that is exactly what Preeti becomes, essentially.

If I may, psychologically dissecting the character, her father seems to be no better. So she was raised to be subservient? And of course, when hero and father meet there is a furthering of catastrophe. And then there is a slapping episode. Again, I must note, the scene seems to be the rage on tiktok, with most influencers on tiktok, using Kabir’s dialogues, castigating Preeti. (Sometimes, I wonder if the dark ages really left.) No one really thinks about how overwhelming his ego is. And if they do, they are actually celebrating it. Not a very healthy phenomenon.

I am say that this is also really worrisome, because this sort of thing actually happens. People go catatonic after a break up. I know I did. Of course, I am a different breed, because I didn’t go tearing into my ex’s life, demanding an explanation. I did however demand that he choose between his family and my love … but there was no violence. There was a tearing apart. It was a wrenching so devastating, I could feel what Kabir went through. But once again, I just realized that people love differently, some not so strong enough to withstand pressures of the world, and I let it be at that.

There is that kind of love that makes you break all bonds of sanity and society and head into a turmoil of passion. Some would say, that is what passion and love are. Haven’t romance novels written copiously of strong, hot headed heroes lifting girls and carrying them off to their castles? I should know, I used to read them by the dozen. Have society and age influenced me so strongly that I have forgotten what it was to be in the grips of passion? Of course, if I met my ex, I may ask for an explanation. Because I don’t believe that true love ends. It carries on. As is shown in this movie.

Which is the only part of the movie I liked, the fact that he overcomes his ego enough to take on the girl and her baby – even if it was not his own. And then the about turn by Preeti. Seriously though, the movie should have been named after her. The only character that sticks to her guns and lives by her code. I mean, she could have started drinking and hooking up, too… but I guess that is just too much to ask – to even be thought of for a woman to do. Or maybe, let’s just face it, the movie wanted to portray that women aren’t stupid enough to be so utterly selfish and self-destructive.