I can put away the pill;
I haven’t put away my pain;
But sleep is lured to me,
As fatigue strives again.
The draining of the heart
Is a gruelling process –
a rigmarole of feeling
That affords no recess.
Four words from someone
Can tear you down;
Four words can also freely
Send in the clowns.
I want to try and see
If I can earn some sleep
Without its torturing –
Or its rest being deep.
If I can be let go,
Despite love and living,
It’s time to take heed
And start a self forgiving.
I went for a walk.
(I struck out “with you”)
You walked ahead,
In silence.
A stranger maintaining social distancing.
I walked behind you.
The silence lasted
The entire walk.
20 minutes.
It felt like each time
You left me alone –
Outside dressing rooms,
In parties,
In your family.
It exacerbated
All recent loss
All of my grief.
But I counted on you
For relief.
Instead,
You took me into the past.
And reminded me
Of who you were,
Who I was,
Before I became.
Now,
Again,
I forget my name.
I wonder if this is how
Love makes all pain last,
As this walk took me farther from my future,
Into an apathetic past.
I could not keep you happy all the time.
(You could not do the same for me, too.)
But I gave you every thing that was mine –
All of my hopes and smiles I shared with you
Who stays happy all the time in love? (I ask.)
I’ve been in love before and I’ve made it last.
Making true love live is an easy task:
It predicts the future; learns from the past.
I didn’t keep you happy not all the time –
But you made choices through all of our fights!
There were many smiles (which u now decline)!
I made you family, I gave you equal rights!
I have my faults and, yes, you have your own –
So why am I the only one to blame?
Why must I alone be left to atone,
When you have forsaken our very names?
It takes two to tango, here, three could dance;
I was willing to share with you progress
But you resolved not to give us a chance
And succumbed to finally regress.
Love for me doesn’t alter with hours and weeks.
Sex may dwindle, but that’s never the end;
Now I have nightmares. A woken fear speaks:
‘All he ever did with you was pretend.’
Hearts Still Care 
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