I’m afraid of love now.
It lurks like a crocodile underwater,
Waiting for me to fall in,
Its jaws waiting to slaughter.
It’s a hunger I share;
Though, it’s swimming with fear.
It hopes I am hungry enough;
It swims precariously near.
The reptilian eyes gleam,
Golden above the surface;
Its body, lithe and ages old,
Harbours no remorse, no disgrace.
The hunger gnaws at my sides;
The water is cool, calm, blue;
And as I slice in, I realise
I am a crocodile, too.
Time twists and slithers,
Like a snake dipped in oil.
There’s nothing it can’t create.
There’s nothing it can’t foil.
Religions build up in time;
Time makes them obsolete.
Time makes mountains crumble;
Quells the Herculean feat.
And in time, all can see
Love becoming hard and cold;
Even if it brings forgiveness
Back to a weakening hold.
Bear down, beef up, rally on!
Only death in time will tell,
If my love for an animal
Will lead you to your hell.
When you lie alone,
In some future bed,
You perhaps may understand a quarter
Of what lies in my heart,
And perhaps a percent
Of what goes on in my head.
But I hope not.
Because by then I may not
Be alive – or with you –
Perhaps by then I’d have understood
What I have been trying to.
I’ve tried to gain a touch,
That I have not asked or desired,
Of your own volition,
Even if it’s just because you’re tired.
Rest your hand on my cheek,
Or put your fingers in my shirt,
I’ve not asked for much,
Just a touch, to heal a hurt.
I understand.
You’re not wired that way;
Intimacy isn’t your go-to;
There’s nothing one can say
To make things happen.
You’re built of different clay.
But if and when I give up,
And you’ll find me adrift and casual,
You’ll perhaps miss who I was –
What I was was unusual.
Perhaps I’ll learn to be you;
Perhaps your withholding is strength;
Perhaps I’ll learn the life you had
Was the love you meant.
Perhaps.
What I had to teach
Couldn’t ever be learnt;
And I’d heal and harden,
After touch is lost and hope is burnt.
One night as you turn in bed
And open your eyes with a start,
Like humans do after a broken snore,
You may find me gone –
Or perhaps asleep in the distance…
Perhaps then you’ll see a hard heart
In a room with a locked door,
Cut off, forever and ever more.
Hearts Still Care 
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