When ever you saw a cockroach
you’d scream.
I’d compel you and tease you and
You’d run –
Now, you just remain in parts of
My dreams
You have taken the parts of me
That were fun.
Today, I saw a cockroach and
I smiled;
It reminded me of us for a
little while.
I survived a drunk father
Who tried to beat me to his will;
School bullies tried to knock me down;
But life found me standing still.
I wondered at my difference then –
But I knew it couldn’t be a flaw;
If I was honest with myself,
Who cares what another saw?
I saw the death of those I loved;
Life tried to crush hope from me;
I stared death twice in the eye;
So she smiled and let me be.
Still she had her due and
Yet she takes; but I know now:
While life rests in my heart,
She’ll stay content on my brow.
So I give in to life each time
And i let love love him so;
And death reaches in deep
When he watches love go.
I survive the parting.
I digest all of the pain.
But I know I am human;
And it’ll happen again.
So, as the sadness envelops,
Every fibre of my being,
I know I still survive, for
It’s in me I’m believing.
Most nights I find myself wide awake!
There is this end of a world feeling
That takes over sleep and suffocates rest
And sends my mind reeling!
Thoughts and memories of what we were:
A tantrum thrown; a mock wrestling match;
A joke on shorts; a song we called our own;
A kissed bandaid put on a scratch.
I become Taylor Swift, who narrated
Personal loss, pain and bullet holes;
Or Adele’s soul, in royal Albert Hall,
Proclaiming love’s future goals.
When night passes and morning comes to spite –
I quietly shut the windows on its face…
I switch on some numbing porn, or maybe
Write a poem – to fill the sleepless space.
These lonely nights make me think and yearn
Of how he (probably?) is fast asleep,
While time holds me in such a fucked-up flux,
Wherein I can’t feel, much less laugh or weep.
Hearts Still Care 
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