The Fan’s Woe

The night has lain down, once more, on my tiny bed;
The silence is broken, by a fan overhead;
Darkness is lit, by flutterings of windowed light;
Images from the day still burn into my sight.
Your hands on my body still leave tendrils of fire;
Yet it was never just a matter of desire –
There was that bittersweet yearning I thought had gone:
Something that had no hope of being reborn.
I surmised wisdom made sure it was left behind –
A few lessons, growing older had taught the mind;
But here it lies, near night, yearning for touch again;
No matter that it comes with the sure price of pain.

The fan creaks, speaking, it tells me, it knows it all,
It has been technical witness to each shortfall.
It blusters the air doing its job as always,
It has seen all that leaves and felt who stays.
So now it addresses me, like a parent dear,
While the darkness addresses all of my fear.
There is not very much to say or do but write;
Maybe this is how I regain clarity of sight.
My eyes droop and I think of his bright, tawny stare,
His head bent over my body, his tousled hair,
My fingers in it, as he tastes a part of me,
Which has been savoured by, oh, so many,
And, I must say, if pain is the sole attraction,
This just goes to speak of my sad heart’s detraction,
And Loneliness that never, truly, left my bed,
Unless you include the groaning fan overhead.

You Will Know

You hurt me by remembering,

Remembering, when you need me,

Forgetting, when I am alone

And sad and so life-weary.

 

You hurt me by asking favours,

When a hello would mean concern,

Sometime yesterday, when I had

Testing life lessons to unlearn.

 

You hurt me by being a part

Of worlds I never got to see,

You do not get to pity me

You can’t ask if I am lonely.

 

You do not understand now

What life will definitely show,

When it corrodes and torments you,

Then, then you will know.

 

 

I could, I know.

I could learn to hate the memory of you –
For, if this where you planned to leave me –
You shouldn’t have made promises to be true –
You should have let my lonely heart be.

Loneliness hurts, I know, but it doesn’t infect
The future’s hope in good dreams of time.
Now all you’ve left me are tears that reflect
Seeping sores living through contrived rhyme.