Drowned

I thought childhood would last forever

But it does so only in memory.

It hit me in hindsight of sex and love,

With thoughts of the death allotted to me.

My childhood friend lost her life today.

She was one I shared innocence with

And a time that had nothing to do

With loss, determination or grit.

I thought then butterflies flew forever.

Animals were never shot down for fun.

I’ve grown up now and seen prejudice kill

And blinded hatred win life’s distance run.

Things are no longer coloured for me.

They’ve all turned a hazy shade of grey.

If only I could bring assurance back,

Or have a modicum of childhood stay.

Depression

It doesn’t come with a hello
It sneaks up behind
And pushes you into a dark alley
With broken lights under your feet
And suddenly you have no shoes
Memories scream towards you
Like a freight train
Out of control
You fall to your knees
Trapped
Forgetting about the broken glass
It swarms before you
And you can’t see
Blinded, and this choking sensation, as though you never knew light.

A smile reaches out, you reach out and you see people moving,
just where you had been a moment ago,
there is the thing you were doing,
you remember where you were going,
but that is a flash.

You are in that freight train, speeding,
And you want to fight
But light is such a fleeting thing
And smiles are too rare to be saviours…

Familiar Ghosts

I can’t sleep.

Those I lost,

Those I will lose,

Come to me,

For company,

Or to confuse.

My eyes, swollen with sick

And love,

Cannot shut;

And I keep thinking,

If…But…

Visions from the past

Haunt me,

Like drapes in the wind.

I smile to see

Familiar ghosts

Wait,

In some dust;

And I must know

Insomnia and fear

Are ghosts, too.