Can…not

I can’t
Move
On.
I can’t forget his face.
Every time, I think life is better,
It brings me to this space.
It’s a terrible feeling…
It’s the same love,
The same power
But instead of the sweetness,
It tastes acrid,
Sour.
It fills me with longing
And dread.
Time has past
And I have cried;
I may breathe still –
But I’ve died and died.
Loss has corroded me from the inside
And time moves on,
And on;
Yet, I am stuck, and keep returning
To what’s left,
To what’s forlorn.
If his heart would,
One day,
Be cast out,
And like mine now,
Completely,
Shatter.
I do not think,
To my breathing,
At any point, hence,
The shattering would matter.
They say,
“Time heals all –
All wounds will heal.”
True.
But know also
They leave weeping scars,
We,
All,
Quietly,
Learn to conceal.

Christmas 2020

I will place the Laurel wreath,
I will put up the green tree,
I will laugh with concerned friends,
And that’s just what you will see.

The tears I shed for us,
At each breaking of dawn,
Won’t be placed in the crib,
You bought from Bandra town.

The wrenching of my heart
Succumbing to sorrow
Will not be baked in cakes
I order tomorrow.

There will be the advent,
There’ll be carols and cheer;
But all will be aware
You chose not to be here.

There will be frost and ice;
At home, all that is nice;
But, in my heart and head,
I’m crucified instead.

Lighthouse

I am not the sun
Nor am I the moon
Perhaps
I can just be a lighthouse
On some storm tossed shore
Guiding a seeking ship
Into safe haven.
You tell me I can trust you
but save your breath,
because the two things I can trust now
are belief in myself and death.