Tag: 2005

Faker

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

I cannot be a faker. Whatever acting I have done, I did on stage. Even then, I was being true to the character I was portraying. Being sensitive, emotions ride my life. When I feel bad, I go quiet. When I am in pain, I go quiet. I cannot smile and pretend the hurt away. I envy those who think about it and then move on to more important matters. They are sages. I am not.

There are times when I know more than I can handle. I can handle it, though. But the wisdom that allows me to do this is mistaken as strength. Maybe it is. Maybe it is something else. Maybe I have just been prepared to deal with the pain and so when it actually comes, I brace against it. Who knows? I may think this is true. Others may see me differently.

I do know that I cannot pretend that nothing is wrong when there is. I want to address the issue. But realising there is an issue is just the first step, which I do better than most. However, before addressing it, I have to sit and think. I have to actualise in my mind all the pros and cons of any retaliation. I’m so doing, I prepare for any repercussion.

I know the tragedy of Hamlet. I identify. But if the alternative is to be Othello or Macbeth, the choice is very easy for me. Let me think. To be or not to be is certainly the question!

I wish I could smile and smile and still be a villain. But if I am a villain, it is because I know I am smiling because I can see what is happening, more often than not. People make utter fools of themselves. Well, at least to me, they appear like puppets without strings. Most times. So I retract, or if I cannot get out of the situation and have been asked to confess a feeling, I smile. The smile is a betrayal of my feeling, because it relies on the intelligence of the other.

The other never gauges it correct.

And this brings me to if I am hurt – I shield myself in silence. For it is scathing language, when asked to speak. I cannot see the person who has done me an offence. I cannot look, for if I do, he will see the pain and if I look, it means he deserves my gaze. So I look away and be quiet.
I wish I could remain quiet with my thoughts and not divulge every shred of ideas from my mind. I wish I was selfish enough to stop empathising. Sympathy is much simpler. It lets you meet gazes and lets you put on a facade. And then no one questions your smile, they help the public tears.

A photographer for the National Geographic

Published on by Harpreet Chhachhia2 Comments

I have reached a saturation point of not wanting to participate with the world. I open Twitter and trolls are all over – it’s not the viciousness that gets me but the sheer stupidity. I open Facebook and I see a list of people fighting over what they think is right. I open a favoured news feed and I find another series of deaths, a build up of a shameful politic, a deterioration of the wild and all I end up feeling is let down by belief.

I’m not intending this to be a rant. It isn’t. I’m just so done and writing this takes me into this cesspool that the world has become. People talk to me of hope.

And I tried that. I even tried the whole after life heaven thing. Realised too late that even metaphorical fathers are a let down. I do want to believe, you know. I do want to believe in the goodness of people. That somewhere there are people that believe animals are worth saving. Every battle has two sides. The ocean is dark and yet it can be beautiful.

I have no clue why I am writing this. Probably to fill up another space on this blog. Get a pretty picture. And yea, think that this piece will get noticed, maybe even liked. But once I put it up I will forget about it. Like I forget about the fact that people want to save the world, not for the sake of the world, but because of the children they have produced and/or hope to produce. A world in which killing becomes a part of a game, where movies that end with death become super hits, murder and violence is filmed and broadcast. A world where the Hunger games make complete sense.

Speaking of hunger, I must incorporate what happened the other day. The other day I went to the mall – and I made a mistake of choosing to go there on a Sunday. Worse, I was hungry. So I went to the food court. It’s like an oasis on the African savanna. Only difference here is that the young are in no great danger. So they burgeon and overpower sound and space.

We’ve all become so American we don’t have to go to America anymore. Which is a good thing. We have decided being a part of the third world isn’t great. I admire the move, upward or downward is all a matter of another debate. But why not? Let’s have a go at it if you want, these days it’s all about the argument. About having a voice. Let it be heard, even if it has the merit of nails on a black board. One must not discriminate or else one shall be discriminated against.

I should get back to work. Something to do to maintain the lifestyle I am used to. Switch on the air conditioner, not because I am cold, but because I am having a problem with allergies. It’s a vicious cycle. We are all caught up in it. Even if we realise this, the solution to it is a whole different ball game. It may put us into another cycle.

Yet, I just don’t want to care for the moment. And although being a photographer for the National Geographic is hard, how can you not hurt to see a fawn strangled by a lioness, or a buffalo being torn apart by wild dogs? I need to turn the mind off for a while and deaden it with the process of work.

6th September, 2018

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment
6th September, 2018: It’s a day to remember. It will be mentioned in history as another day that a people got their freedom. Their freedom to be, their freedom to love.
 
I expected this judgement? I don’t know. I have been disappointed before, so I reserved my happiness for when it would be allowed. It was. The five bench judgement marked my smile, my tears. It’s been a long road, longer yet for people who came before me and those who passed before seeing this day. I remember them.
 
This is a day to remember.
 
I wish all my fellow, Indian LGBTQ+ brethren a very heartfelt congratulations. We won, because the Supreme Court of India showed every hard-hearted person that love does indeed finally win.