Depression

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

It doesn’t come with a hello
It sneaks up behind
And pushes you into a dark alley
With broken lights under your feet
And suddenly you have no shoes
Memories scream towards you
Like a freight train
Out of control
You fall to your knees
Trapped
Forgetting about the broken glass
It swarms before you
And you can’t see
Blinded, and this choking sensation, as though you never knew light.

A smile reaches out, you reach out and you see people moving,
just where you had been a moment ago,
there is the thing you were doing,
you remember where you were going,
but that is a flash.

You are in that freight train, speeding,
And you want to fight
But light is such a fleeting thing
And smiles are too rare to be saviours…

New home

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

A lot of things are going on in my head lately. We just shifted into Savera. I miss Raj Mahal immensely. I didn’t realise I would miss it this much. It is also not because Zoe died there. That is part of it, of course. But I think it has to do with the home itself. It was like a vacation home that was my own home. The immense sky outside the balcony, the light in the hall. The memories I made there. It was a home that Geeta and I created. Together. We made the home a pretty one.

 

Even though mom was diagnosed with cancer there, and Zoe died there, and I found out about Anand’s infidelity, I became my own guy there. I started taking care of myself there and I found myself there. I worked out, I looked good, and I came into the world knowing that I was good enough.

 

Here I feel as though I have regressed in some way. It reminds me of Amrut-tara. I need to make this home have my essence. I feel as though I am missing here. Maybe it will take some time.

 

Looking at a different side, I don’t have to worry about the rent issue. But there are other issues that I have to deal with here. The kids seem aimless. The road outside is congested with traffic. There are no quiet places to take them for a walk … I had an altercation with bua already, and then immediately after with Anand. I keep having arguments with mom.

 

I am hoping it is a passing thing, a getting used to phase.

Incomplete

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

Slowly light strengthens, and the room takes shape.
It stands plain as a wardrobe, what we know,
Have always known, know that we can’t escape
Yet can’t accept. One side will have to go.