Thirteen Days

I rearrange the photos I printed of you, 

Two amongst the flowers, one in a frame.

It has been thirteen days since you passed;

Thirteen days, since I called out your name…

I refill the oil in the diya that burns for you,

The flowers in the vases haven’t quite died;

The loss of you seems to have numbed my heart;

But not enough, since I have unevenly cried. 

I used to call you my first-born son;

For my sons, I tried to be the father I never had;

But for each of you, my love was strangely given –

And I know, I know, at times, I made you very sad.

I’m sorry. But I tried my best. 

I have held you in my arms and I have sung to you; 

You wagged your whippy tail then and were glad:

You were my honey-bunch sugar-plum, my sweetie-pie,

Never doubt, I was very proud to be your dad. 

It’s been thirteen days and I can’t let you go;

Your life and death come to me in flashes –

I yet sing to you and will forever more,

Even after having surrendered your ashes. 

Like all my kids that have passed on by,

You shall be somewhere close, some place near; 

And I’ll always sing a song for you, my son,

Because you were and are so very, very dear. 

My Religion

My religion is all religion.
My religion is hope.
My religion is all that preaches
Any pain to cope.

My religion is not prescriptive;
It does not think of one path;
My religion is written in the stars;
It’s what exists in a child’s heart.

My religion isn’t bound to scripture,
Or rule or obeisance that’s blind;
It caters to a conscience, that’s built
From wounds to the heart and the mind.

It speaks of no lingering hate;
It but asks of me to live and let live;
It implores me to gauge what I get
From anger or the chance to forgive.

I take the best from your religion and theirs,
I take the path of do no harm;
So I can take the path of the scalpel,
Or I can submit to a happy charm.

The winds and the directions and planets
Existed before any religion’s first breath;
As such, empathy is all I know of life
And peace is all I can think of death.

Broken

You and she both cancer-ridden;
But you had to go first.
I have no words to express
What you must have gone through,
You just looked at me with glassy eyes
Caused by hanging onto life.

I lifted you for every walk
And you told me,
When you were done.
I listened.

I’m sorry, I lost my temper…
My love was frayed and my heart broken…
And I tried my best to love you better…
But breaking human hearts
Have – limitations.

I let you go, my first-born son.
I didn’t know I still had it in me.
I don’t know what will happen
As your sister continues to bleed.

But I will stand by her
As I did by you –
Even though our bodies don’t.
Even though my heart has
broken,
It is yours.