She was someone’s daughter.
He was someone’s son.
What bitter hate was this
to deny love and end laughter?
What horror they must have seen!
What fear they must have felt!
What torment they must have known!
What a night it must have been!
Her father must be fading away
His mother must be bereft
To know their children suffered
For no reason but loving their way.
The past reared up its head tonight;
It ravaged the senses with feeling:
A virulent, corrosive blight
Of pain with no scope of healing.
I wish indifference could be bought,
At a moments notice, to soothe need;
I wish I could cordon off all thought
That reminds me of each bitter deed.
I laid with love and, oh, how I have paid!
The gamut of tears so ready to fall,
There is no hope in a world enslaved
By hope itself – there is none at all.
It feels like rape, violate and complete,
Love thrust through time with smiles and glances,
It reminded me of loss and deceit
And stays now to rob me of peaceful chances.
Do I have something left to give him? I’m loss!
I thought through love, my life would account for much.
But no one can see how I hang on the cross;
There is no god who I can reach out and clutch.
There’s no salvation I can look forward to,
There are no soft arms to bring my body down,
There is but love, who is rocking fro and to,
And I can’t see if he wears a smile or a frown.
He will climb atop my crucified self again,
I’ll writhe and I’ll moan; but it is useless to scream;
What of the assault and what of the burning pain?
This was but the logical end to my own dream.
If only I had loved him instead of you:
What all could have been different in me;
I would not have to become someone new,
Every time I hoped you would choose to see
How I looked to gain any affection
From your eyes that never softened on mine,
Or your hands that never sought direction
To touch me and still that moment in time.
If only I could love him. He looks at me
The way a thirsty soul seeks water
And the betrayal of hope that I see
Is of a lamb that knows it’s up for slaughter.
If only your love had been quite like his;
If only I could love him quite like this.
Hearts Still Care 
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