Category: I Am

New Domain, Theme and Post

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

I was just reading a post here on how I used to write copiously when I was young. I loved writing. I still do. But then, I used to use pen and paper and could write furiously. Then I was gifted my first typewriter by an aunt. I used that to write three novels and several shorts. I would clack at it through hours at a time. Then I bought my first computer at the age of 21. I loved it. Loved the process of seeing beautiful fonts enfold out a story.

I lost touch with writing. Drawbacks of a keyboard. Now my pen cannot match the speed of my thoughts, but the keyboard can. There are pros and cons to everything. But I still respect the power of the written word. Handwritten letters are a whole different kind of love story. That brings me to my point.

The wonders and horrors of technology. Everything comes with a pro and a con. I create blogs. Love the process of creation. But it literally comes with a price. My subscription to the domain and usage plans expired this May. I lost out on the name of the blog. The theme I was using I couldn’t afford any more. WordPress knows its business. Makes me suffer. So I had to restructure the entire thing. I am loving and hating the process all at once. Creating and deconstructing.

Thought of writing this blog post. Everything in life comes with a price. Sometimes I can afford it. Sometimes I cannot. But hopefully, in the process of the wear and tear and struggle, I can create something. The art of creation is a violent one, after all. It births out of chaos. So here is hoping to another beginning and an eventual end.

Bella

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

The old pass and make way for the new. Such is life. But there are links we all have to our past lives that live on with age… once the old fades, those links leave the realm of collective reality. There are links which we have to those we love. We connect people and animals and objects with love. When one goes, the link lives on in the other. When the other passes, it lives on with me.

The day before, I heard news of my friend’s dog passing away. My friend and I have fallen apart. It happens to the best of us. But when my sister gave me the news of his dog passing, I felt terribly sad. I remember her as a pup, and I had met her on the day he got her home. She formed a link with my fourth furkid, Zoe. Zoe passed away in 2013… and now Bella has passed away.

She was a bossy, dominating, brindle boxer. Much like her dad. Of course, he isn’t brindle, or a boxer. But he might as well be one. It irks me that I cannot pick up the phone and call him. It irks me that he let go of our friendship of over 20 years and did not see it fit to call me when Bella was sick. Human beings essentially suck. Me, included.

But I am just putting this out there, that life is cyclical. I have faced the loss of a furkid. I know it is devastating. I wish I could overcome my fear of rejection to pick up the phone and tell him how wonderful I thought Bella was. That she has been on my mind ever since I found out about her passing. She was a beautiful, obedient, wonderful doggo. With her goes another life that was linked to my Zoe, my aunts and a different life. She will be missed. And she will be remembered in love.

I am sorry for your loss, Bhav. And I am sorry I failed to call.

Trust

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

Making a boyfriend jealous is tricky. One moves down the relationship in time and as the years pass love becomes colder as it grows older. The flame sticks around but the winds are sharper in threat.

It’s sad to try to make the person you love jealous. Because one thinks that’s the only way you can make him exhibit some passion. Or at least the passion he showed when he first decided to pursue you for a relationship.

The tricky part gets trickier when you are surrounded by admirers – exactly in the place he once was – but he’s not threatened by them at all because he knows you so well. Time has instilled in him a confidence to which only your character can be a testament. It’s sadder then, to know he knows you won’t let the other admirers affect you, because he knows you love him so much. Promises are written in stone by then.

So all you can do is then use the time with the others to feel how he once made you feel. Like you were worth it all – his time, attention and effort. Because let’s be honest, we all know we love but the passion flickers in the winds of time. So it’s rather a Catch-22 situation. Others around would say, you are rather taking love for granted.

So as someone pays attention to you, your attention is on him across the room. He knows that and so doesn’t bother to even notice the attempt to make him jealous. Or worse, he does notice it and is laughing inside at your feeble attention to gain some kind of emotional response other than his disparaging humour.

Love is wicked this way. It makes you certain of trust and uncertain of passion. Maybe that is why most people settle – because trust is worthier than passion. No matter how humiliating it can get as time wears on, and you begin to see yourself in the mirror and old anxieties come crawling back.(Not to mention an unsatiated libido.)

So, yea, if one is taken for granted, can’t one also take his love for granted and expect a passionate reaction?