Category: Articles

Polyamory

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

Like most gay boys growing up in the 90’s, I dreamed of falling in love with The One. Someone who would help me battle the world with our common sexuality as a shield. Someone who would love me unconditionally. Someone who would be possessive about me and who would bring me flowers each time I got upset. Someone who would never cheat on me in word, feeling or action. Some guy walking straight out of a historical romance written by Johanna Lindsey.

Life had other plans. Love had a different complexion.

I fell in love at 19. Got dumped at 20.

I fell in love at 22. It was a long distance relationship, again. So, I ran away – scared.

I fell in love at 24. I am still with him. Through the decades that followed, I realised love is not just what I expected in the first paragraph.

It’s sticking to the relationship and making it work when each of those ideas diminish into real life. When people in love realise that both are human. Human beings make mistakes. We have insecurities and hopes. Some are manageable and some are possible. Some are neither. And that is okay.

But as I grew, I also realised one important thing. The love I had at 19 and 22 and 24 all existed at the same time. I had not stopped loving any of the three. Because for me, love is forever. It doesn’t fade away. It’s as lasting as the blood running through my veins.

We’re taught certain constructs. Social constructs. Of one man one woman, since we’re children. The straight world in their history have talked of soulmates. Two of them. Break a heart in two. Couplehood. But as I opened my heart I understood that I could never stop loving the people I have loved. If couplehood works for people, they should go for it. If being in an open relationship works for some, they should go for that. If singlehood is what some want, then that is what they should get. It should be simple.

I lost people to death. I never stopped loving them. I love my mother, my aunts, my grand parents, my sister and all six of my fur kids. I don’t love one more than the other. I just love them differently. I love them according to who they are. Loving one doesn’t make loving the other less. Loving one doesn’t mean I have spent the love I have.

Love is an endless stream. It comes from the heart. Not from thought. It comes from feeling. Not from logic. Its flowing is constant and many drink from it, at the same or at different times. And I realised that I could do the same with my partners.

It was incidental. The fourth time I fell in love. I never even thought it was possible. It happened. And I was honest about it. I spoke to my current partner and he accepted the new love into our relationship. I understood polyamory.

Polyamory is defined as “the practice of engaging in multiple romantic (and typically sexual) relationships, with the consent of all the people involved.” The most important point here is consent that speaks of honesty. I am nothing if not honest. And in that honesty, we three spent three years together. We formed our own rules and our own boundaries.

The new love did not last. But when he left, in the middle of a locked down world, I was devastated. It was like an April storm had picked me up and was casting me around in its eddies. I have written about it elsewhere on this blog. This lasted for two years. The tumult has not yet ended completely.

In the interim, I met people. Scores of them. Most became friends. Some became sexual partners. But I tried hard not to fall in love again. Love rips the shit out of you. It literally does. So, I allowed myself to get emotionally connected to people who were far away. Knowing they would not be around me. People who lived in my city I stopped myself getting emotionally connected.

But love is love.

It happened.

But this time it came with fear. Fear of abandonment. Fear of loss. Fear of heartbreak. Because I certainly don’t want to get heartbroken again. He scares me. With his quiet, his anger and his ambition. I am in love with his simplicity and gentle nature. His beliefs and his hope. But they all scare me too. There’s this constant state of anxiety I am in. Because I know my love for him will last forever now but I am never certain if his will.

Love is all well and fine – but trust is paramount. Love came slow. Trust is yet to come in fully. The more I fall deeper in love, the trust is taking a slower time to appear. He keeps getting annoyed because of this. It is tough. But I have been through a lot. I have been to hell and back and I have met with the Devil of depression. The more I love, the more afraid I become. But that is fodder for another blog post.

Polyamory may not be everyone’s cup of tea. Many wouldn’t even want to understand it. But this post is not for them. Why would I care for some one who doesn’t understand love? My relationships are not meant as examples. They are just relationships, growing on mutual love and honesty. So this post is for those who want to understand why they love who they do. To them, I say, love, but love honestly and completely. And when you say forever, mean it.

Gangubai Kathiawadi

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

The movie is Alia Bhatt. I am aware of the actor’s prowess. The role of Gangubai Kathiawadi didn’t seem to be a fit for the petite frame, or the age, Alia possesses. Yet, I went in to see the movie because of her. And as usual, the lady doesn’t disappoint.

Apart from the tragic – and horrific – circumstances of how her character falls into prostitution, the entire movie depicts (sometimes with shades of heroic grandeur) the stoicism of Gangubai Kathiawadi. The story is truly dark and morbid – something the opus of a Bhansali production probably needed. His typical, over the top direction depicting royalty even when the plot has no traces of royalty seems toned down because of its very subject. It’s a good pairing this: Bhatt and Bhansali. They make for good film.

The writing is compact and has great monologues. I particularly like the one that talks of the different shades of white. The metaphors in it are stark and vivid. Like the tones of this movie, muted greys and blues. The whites stand out like beacons in the dark. The writers, Prakash Kapadia and Utkarshini Vasishtha, hand in glove with Sudeep Chatterjee have created brilliance again.

It’s a woman-centric film. The supporting cast does a worthy job – Seema Pahwa deserves an honourable mention – but the film belongs to Alia. Though I shall mention that without the cameo of Ajay Devgan, the quintessential, hindi-hero character, Gangubai wouldn’t have scaled the heights her character reached. But given the era and of course, filmdom being misogynistic, a man had to ultimately be the saviour. Although it’s important to note two things. One, Karim Lala did help Gangubai in the way depicted in the film. Two, all the men in the movie have their own price tags. A good innuendo.

I will note, being from the LGBT community myself, that depicting a Hijra as the main antagonist could cause more prejudice against the community. A community that already faces enough ignorance, violence and hatred. The character could have just as easily been another female. And if indeed depicting the antagonist as trans was necessary, why Vijay Raaz? Why wasn’t a trans person considered and cast? These questions shall have their excuses as answers. Like one that said that Vijay Raaz is a phenomenal actor. Agreed. So why not cast him as Gangubai? (Just following the line of argument.)

Apart from this, the movie resonated with me. After Khamoshi, I think Bhansali has done something truly worthy. And it is this film. But I end how I began: most of the credit should definitely go to the phenomenally gifted Alia Bhatt.

Dune

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

I saw the movie a couple of hours ago. It’s still resonating in my brain and heart. Like melange – the planet’s addictive spice itself. The movie is just breath taking. Each visual. The cinematography. The landscapes. The vision. Absolutely spectacular.

The mythology in the books has been so well woven in the script that the explanation of it is effortless. It seems part of the fabric of a rich tapestry of sand gold. The movie soars into the air from the very first frame and it just feels like a ballet that shouldn’t ever stop. I was spell bound by everything in it.

Timothée is astounding – as he always is. He is intense yet sensitive. The scene where he is about to be assassinated stands out with its laser lights and his eyes. His face with its clear cut angles seem made for the movie with its sandstone framework. Ever since I saw him in Call Me By Your Name I have been spellbound by his prowess as an actor and there’s not a single movie in which he has been that has disappointed. This movie was hand crafted for him. He is Paul.

The other magnificent creature that sets the screen ablaze is Rebecca Fergusson. Her duty as a Bebe Gesserit and her love for her son are wounds that threaten to tear her apart. She keeps gnawing at them through the movie and speaks of the control of her fear – much like each of us does at some point in our lives.

Zendaya is a dream that hardly has time to manifest. Though I do not mind for the wait for the manifestation. Each scene is nuanced in its calibre. The sand worms find their own larger than life status and they form the antithesis to melange in the deserts of Dune. Paul Lambert and his team have done a phenomenal job at the special effects and Hans Zimmer matches the spectacle of the movie with his musical score.

There’s not a thing wrong with this movie and almost all of the credit must go to the director, Denis Villeneuve for envisioning this opus. What Peter Jackson was to The Lord of the Rings, Denis Villeneuve is to Dune. The script is tightly woven and nothing is set loose like the sands it talks of. “Dreams make good stories,” says Jason Momoa’s Duncan Idaho, “but everything important happens when we’re awake.” Villeneuve makes sure that time, dreams and sand make their way, winding like the worms, surely and rightly, through Herbert’s narrative.

I regret not seeing this movie in IMAX – but I will not be seeing it for the last time for sure. It is worthy to be placed on repeat mode.