Category: 2023

Home Away From Home

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

When my buas were alive, I had homes outside of my own to go to. My bedroom just got painted over and the last time that happened, I had stayed in Munni Pua’s (my elder bua) house for a fortnight. She took care of me like the parent she was to everyone she knew – I shall admit that I was beloved by both my aunts. They replaced the need of a father figure, which I never had.

I would just have to tell them I need a place to stay and they would open up the doors to their homes and let me stay for however long I wanted to. If I needed a piece of furniture stored temporarily, Goodie Pua (my younger bua, who was really the man of the family as I grew up) would tell me, “send it over to mine, I have ample place to keep it.” And when I would visit her home, the same piece of furniture would be placed in her home as if it belonged there beautifully.

I miss them. Not only because I feel like a great part of my life was shaped by their presence, but because I miss their love and affection. I could joke with them, be chastised by them, love them and be loved by them. I had family! I had someone, in my extended family, I could count upon to help me at any given time. Right about now, I feel quite alone and secluded. That is the price of age and death, I suppose.

All mentors and guides have to fall away sometime, in order for one to find strength and solutions from one’s own self. But I am human, after all, and when I see my best friend having two homes, my lovers having two homes, it sometimes hits me that I now just have one, and my whole world resides in it. It is not a very great comfort and at times, of late, I miss having a larger family.

My greatest fear, let me tell you, is dying alone. With no familial support or person who cares sitting by my bed as I breathe my last. It’s not death that scares me then, it is just the thought of having no one saying they love me in my last moments. I was there as the older generation grew older and needed help in their final moments. I wonder who will be around when it is time for me to get help.

I have seen my family contract – with people falling away to death or distance. The people I loved the most have passed on and now I am left with a handful of people that I can truly count upon.

Life has shown me that I need to be aware of mortality and it is the greatest leveller in this world. I do not regret anything – I am merely sitting here, thinking, of the losses that I have garnered since the age of 19 and wondering upon the pros and cons of having a large extended family. Perhaps this is why the human race wants to procreate and see their offspring procreate some more. But that would seem to be a selfish reason to have children.

Of course, I am also a believer of bonds that are not linked by blood. It is not necessary that I have to be born into a family to call it mine. I can create my own family… and over the years, I tried to assimilate a tribe of my own. Mostly through the route of friendship, I have developed a kinship with many – but as I look back on the most recent experience of mine, no one really called me to their home and said, “stay here until your house gets painted.” That makes me think more and miss my aunts most.

I am not a believer in an after life, but I shall safely say, they have left an indelible impact on my life on this earth, and they are terribly missed, and remembered every day through the calls of my heart.

Albus Dumbledore and Michael Gambon

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

The decade of 1997-2007 was a lovely one. Predominantly, because two of my favourite fantasy book series came into dazzling light. The Lord of the Rings that I had loved since childhood became the spectacular movie trilogy and the Harry Potter series breathed life into the fantasy genre and brought a whole generation back to reading. They took the world by storm.

As I read the series, with intermittent gaps of years at a time, every book release became a phenomenon. There were two characters that I adored and fell in love with. Hermione Granger and Albus Dumbledore. I am gay and was considered a bookworm by all of my peers. Two things that didn’t sit well with them and so my schooling years were filled with – you can guess it. So these two characters seemed to call out to all of those insecurities and experiences.

Hermione, being who she was, got accepted within the first year itself…and her angst was related more to being a regular teen girl whose feelings were misunderstood often by the men she loved. So over the progression of the books, Dumbledore became a favourite. In The Order of the Phoenix, he rejects capture and disappears with Fawkes. “Dumbledore’s got style,” says Shacklebolt.

I smiled. I knew then that this wonderful man was gay. By the last book, it all became quite clear what Grindelwald and he shared was not just “bromance”. They had been lovers. The character took on added significance as he was not all light and twinkles. His character became human, rife with flaws and mistakes. It spoke of the promise of betterment.

In the movies, Richard Harris didn’t quite sit well with me as Dumbledore. No offence to any fans of Harris out there, but that is just my personal opinion. He was too classy, and too proper for Albus Dumbledore whom I always pictured as quirky but brilliant. So when Michael Gambon stepped into Albus Dumbledore’s shoes, I was overwhelmed. He was brought in, what also happened to be my favourite book of the series, The Prisoner of Azkaban, which also happened to be directed by one of my favourite directors, Alfonso Cuarón.

Michael Gambon brought to Albus Dumbledore’s character all that it was missing. The beaded beard, the lopsided hat, the flowing robes, the wink in the eye and the absent-minded whimsicality of the principal I had become so very fond of. It is no great surprise then that apart from Harry, Hermione, Ron, Luna – he was the only other adult character from the Potter series that I chose to sketch. It also became a seminal work because I finished it, when I lay awake during the terror attacks on my city that lasted for three whole nights.

It stands as a testimony to the sacrifices of those many who were and are innocent in the schematics of world politics and blind faith. Dumbledore stands as that man who believed in something and who loved, and then had his beliefs corrected and resurrected. He loved once and loved wholly. He never killed Grindelwald in the epic battle that we shall never see on the big screen or read about other than a few lines in passing in the series. But I understand what the character himself must have gone through. Because cataclysmic heartbreaks with a revolution in faith form a hard road to walk upon.

I am not surprised he had all the three Deathly Hallows in his possession and never used them – he just passed them on. Willingly. He lived a life, which may not necessarily have been complete or even satisfactory – but he made his peace with it and more is to the point, he lived it with a new purpose. And when it was time to let it all go, he did so, on his own terms. Just such a brilliant example to learn from.

Heartstopper S2

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

I finished watching the second season of Heart Stopper in one night. There are some wonderful moments in the season, and I had loved the first one. The second season was a worthy follow up. When we began watching the second season, my partner said, “They are going to break up. What else are they going to show?” That made me think. First, he was right in thinking that, because of added viewership, the scriptwriters tend to make the lead couple go through breaks. Purely to create drama. Second, I began thinking whether relationships, it does not matter if they alternate or straight, must necessarily go through break-ups eventually.

I watched the second season with trepidation, after that. I will just say one thing that I found myself disbelieving. Mostly every character, in the series turns out to be a representation of the LGBTQIA+ banner. Even the faculty members turn out to have alternate sexualities. I began thinking, damn, this is an academic environment that I never got around to even knowing of, much less experiencing, when I was a teenager. Someone online said, there must have been gay teachers, when I was studying. True, but I never knew of one who was out and proud of themselves, the way the ones in the series are depicted. Jealous much!

What then happens in the second season? Spoiler alert right away, so don’t read further if you do not like spoilers.

There is no break up. There are several issues that come up in any relationship, post the commitment. The idea of the ‘happily ever after’ works at the end of books and movies. What happens after the marriage or the commitment or the kiss during the sunset, no one really wishes to talk about or address. Thankfully, a good series takes note of this and tries to understand the vagaries of an established relationship in its episodes.

Particularly, for Nick and Charlie, there is the foremost dilemma of coming out to friends and family. Charlie was outed, Nick is not. There is the issue of image and prestige and social disgrace or acceptance. Nick keeps talking about his being bisexual whenever he speaks openly about his relationship. It seems like a cover for him, as it is implied that he is not ‘as gay as Charlie’. Of course, bisexuality is a part of the LGBT spectrum, but in most cases, it is used as a cover-up. In a committed relationship with a gay man, another man can profess his bisexuality. However, does the bisexuality imply that he will be with another person of the opposite sex eventually? If yes, then the break-up is inevitable. If no, then why mention the bisexuality? I understand the need to be imperative about the difference in sexuality, but what effect would this have on a partner/Charlie’s mind.

The process of coming out is a tough one. We who have taken steps to come out have known this to be true. It is an intense process. We come to terms first with ourselves and our difference from mainstream society. We then have to choose to whom to come out. Understanding their personalities becomes a necessity – and still there is a chance that we may not understand them at all. No matter how hard we try. Because we do not know what their response would actually be. So, we begin to test ground – by implication and by strategy. So, on top of the anxiety of wanting acceptance, we have to also understand what the other person is and what their response will be. Planning becomes necessary in most cases. Stress factors compound.

The really thoughtful angle that Heart Stopper brings out, is the fact that Nick’s coming out doesn’t just affect him. It also plays on the peace of mind of Charlie. He doesn’t want to lose Nick, and so he wants the coming out process to go easy for Nick. This is despite the fact that Charlie’s coming out was foisted on him by circumstance and not his own choice. He relives the bullying and the mental torture that he underwent earlier. His mental equilibrium begins to topple.

Charlie’s mental state is already frayed by his past. With the coming out process of Nick, his own peace of mind gets further destabilised, and it manifests in the resurgence of an eating disorder. The scene when he confesses to Nick about his state of mind is a tender one. One of the best scenes in the season. He opens his heart and talks to Nick about self-harm and his abstinence from food. Nick realises even Charlie’s closest friends do not realise this about him. When this comes about, people like me can understand how Charlie chooses to make Nick his first priority throughout the school term. He wants Nick’s coming out process and time in the relationship to be as smooth as possible. The chance of Nick unravelling is unbearable to Charlie – because he has had a first-hand experience of it.

Technically speaking, the emotional intensity of the relationship is very well portrayed. The problem I have had with it is how two teenage boys who are attracted to each other have not progressed to any form of a sexual act. They refrain from making love. This is another angle that may be brought up in season three. Because as I see it, Nick is the one uncomfortable with the sexual part of the relationship. He is not at all ready, and this brings me to the point of how he stresses his bisexuality each time he talks to people. So maybe, my partner is right and eventually they may break up. But the romantic in me thinks may be not. It is just his fear of trying out something he never thought he would be attempting. But – teenage boy – raging hormones – attraction – empty room – Paris – and yet, nothing. (Except for a very small love bite.)

One particular scene made me envious. When Nick and Charlie walk hand in hand in Le Marais, I felt truly envious. I grew up gay, in India, where until September 2018, being gay was actually a criminal offence, punishable by 10-years imprisonment. It was a scene where they realise what being mainstream felt like. They could hold hands and walk out in public, where no one questioned their love. It felt good – a place where hate and discrimination faded away under the rainbow umbrellas. One thing that makes a good story: its ability to touch the hearts of people, no matter the age or the orientation or the country. This moment did it for me more than any other.

The other characters have linear graphs. With the exception perhaps of Isaac Henderson, who has a sexual identity crisis but overcomes it on his own. It is a poignant portrayal of asexuality, which in itself is hard to explain in an otherwise over sexualised world. The other character of note that seems to be at odds with himself is Ben Hope. One can never truly understand whether he has grown as a person or remains his older narcissistic self. There was an interesting angle between Youssef and Ajayi, the teachers who have a same-sex relationship, in the interim of the school trip. But it’s not greatly touched upon, since it seems to mirror the Nick and Charlie relationship.

An honourable mention for one of my favourite actors, Olivia Coleman, who plays the part of Nick’s mom so effortlessly. Thibault de Montalembert has a good cameo as Nick’s dad. It’s quite a typical scenario. But well-played. All in all, the season has set the groundwork for the next season that has already been green lit by Netflix. I think that one will be a far more interesting and passionate one. However, I hope the romance sustains through all odds. It’s a healthy go-to for questing teens and romantic souls of all ages.