Category: 2021

Eternals

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

The lockdown ended. I have healed in body. I rejoined the gym. I got done with my double vaccination. I wanted to go for a movie in the theatre. So my partner, sister and I went for Eternals at INOX, Malad. I was excited to see Angelina Jolie play an immortal. She being as old as I, I wished to see how we compare. Delusions of grandeur, but they are what they are, then.

It was at the back of my mind that I had not gone for a movie since February, 2020, when my family was full and I had not lost two people I love. Shubh Mangal Zyada Savdhan had been the last movie I saw in the theatres before the virus attack and the crescendo of chaos that followed.

We went to the same theatre. The mood was not truly festive, though I tried making it so with selfies and snapchat. The mall was lovely. The theatre within, grand. I forgot though how I had felt after my losses. The moment you remember past experience at a certain spot: a selfie there, a touch there, a hug there, holding hands in the theatre and sharing popcorn.

The seats were the same but there were alternate placements. We were separated by a seat on either side. The experience was not the same.  Loss glared and memories churned. The movie –

Eternals is a brilliant movie. It is different from the scale and brightness of the Avengers, but it, too, resumes after loss, after the deaths of heroes we shared a decade with. It begins with the creation of all being, it transports us through time, intermittently with the present. It is not confusing, the time leaps or flashbacks are placed more to prevent confusion. It is not like the earlier marvel films, it is more adult, and more inclusive.

And let’s just get this out of the way, the reason for it being banned, please, nonsensical. One of the superheroes is gay, has a lover and a child and shares one same-sex kiss. If people still have a problem with this, in this day and age, then it truly is their problem.

Moving on, the film is more mature, despite all the naysayers, it is. I mean, we are talking about dazzlingly handsome gods with hammers flying around in other Marvel movies. Here, we see the Eternals being given the task of protecting humanity from the Deviants. They have been appointed this task by the Celestials, “superior” immortals. They are not supposed to interfere in events that humanity itself creates, or the wars and destruction humanity also creates. That is the long and short of it.

So now, I imagine the High Elves of Middle-earth, who were appointed to the task to guide the second children of Eru, Men. Being immortal, one has to face the weariness of life and the sheer stupidity of humanity. But also immortality makes one understand that humanity is capable of greater things. More importantly, being immortal, one begins to take on human emotion. When one recognizes love and its vessel, the vessel itself needs to be protected.. That is what the crux of the film actually is. It may be maudlin. It may be a bit of a cliché, but it is what it is.

Chloé Zhao succeeds in bringing this to the forefront. People who don’t want to appreciate what the film is trying to convey, will not, and it is alright. The director has done well with creating a superhero movie. It is not bad, like the Superman vs Batman movie, it is not as good as the first Wonder Woman, but it makes for good fare. It brings up issues like the horror human beings have in their hearts to commit, the weight of living life as an immortal and the idea of love that can be understood even by those who are not human.

For me, Angelina Jolie stands out as goddess of war, Thena, and Gemma Chan has done a fair job as the gentle Sersi. Salma Hayek. as the motherly Ajak, completes the main female trinity. The film has well-crafted action scenes. Angelina is made for roles like these, by the way.

The movie had two scenes which touched me. One where Barry Keoghan as Druig confronts Ajak and tells her that he cannot remain an idle bystander while human beings commit atrocities on one another. Two, where Thena speaks to Sersi and talks to her about why humanity needs to be protected. The themes are simple and they are treated simplistically. These are gods who can do something about something and they do it. Simple.

I went there to watch Angelina and I ended up liking the movie. In the last Avengers movie, I went to see – I don’t even remember who I went to see. I probably will see this movie again though. It made me think about the love I have lost and the love I have gained. It reminded me that life is shit and our purpose here is to try and stop it being shitty. I left the theatre not feeing cheated of the seven hundred bucks I paid to watch the movie, and scenes from the movie remain with me hours later.

The Abuse of Love

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

We take so much abuse in life. As a child, I was bullied because I was effeminate. I remember a boy uprooting grass from the mud and slinging it across my face. I must have been eight years old then. I remember walking down a market with my father beside me. a man came across us and grabbed my genitals and squeezed. It hurt and I told my father. He said if I walked the way I did, it was meant to happen. Through my childhood, I saw the tantrums of an alcoholic father. He was caught up in the grips of his own addictive neuroses.

He banged the walls of the house with his fist. Each sound would reverberate through the house and I would find succour in the hands of my grandma. He would punch his fist into walls, doors, the floor. He would return home every day, smelling foul. He would slam doors shut or open, depending on his need. To this day, when a door slams, my heart grows cold. Today, the Zoomers would talk of emotional abuse being tantamount to physical abuse. I have heard it said, “first they hit near you, then they hit you.”

When my mom moved into her home, my parents attempted a reconciliation. But she forgot that she would be leaving a jobless alcoholic alone at home with her son. There was no grandmother around then. The beatings began when I was thirteen years old. He would ask something of me, an errand, a command, a threat and I would stand up to the bullying. In school, I was different and so, hounded and ridiculed. I would find a means to escape. I would flee to the lavatories, spend the recesses there. At home, I could not do that, he would have kicked the door down.

On hind sight, he would not have done that because then his abuse would be realized by my mother and my aunts. Instead, he would grip my neck, like Mr Spock in Star Trek. Of course, the pain was excruciating but I would not pass out. He would cuff me on the side of my head for disobeying an order. Sometimes he would throw food. As I grew, and realized who I was and became vocal and shameless about it, I decided to fight back.

The fights then grew worse. I pause as I think about them. I was thin and scrawny and he was massive then, fuelled by the force of alcohol. Eventually, I realized my homosexuality was his trigger. He admitted to me, about two years before he died, that he knew I was ‘like that” since I was two years old. I have known fathers who have allowed their 2 year old sons to dress up in skirts. My father did not belong to this tribe. The last time he laid hands on me, he nearly choked me to death. He probably would have, if my sister would not have yelled out to my maternal grandfather who had come visiting our home.

I remember how shaken up I was after that. Today, I have knowledge on where my anxiety stems from. There is this build-up of pressure. Knowing that there is this figure who is supposed to have protected you, waiting to attack if you do not do exactly what he says. There are people out there, in the midst of humanity, who are capable of the most gruesome horror. I have read about them and understood their reasons. I have been on the receiving end of violence. Physical, emotional and mental.

The men that followed in my life have stories of their own. I have been abandoned by two, I have been forsaken by one, and with the last who still stands by my side I have been left unheld. It is confusing to me at times that our languages of love are so problematic. Men who are intimate have no qualms in abandoning you at their whim and fancy. Men who are cold can love you without any sign of intimacy. It never really comes in a single package and I wonder if it ever will. My quest for a man who doesn’t abuse seems futile. I have not given up on the idea of being loved. I have given up on the idea of us being divine.

We are all flawed. Sometimes, terribly so. I have been a stern father, but I have been intimate and loving, too. I have been a demanding lover, but I have been honest and affectionate. There are no hard and fast rules on love. My father never beat my mother. In his own way, he loved her. He just drew a line at loving a son he didn’t expect to have. But isn’t that what love actually is? It’s a promise you make without expecting your own charter of rights to be fulfilled. For better or for worse.

Of broken hearts.

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

You don’t get over heartbreak. You learn to live with it. Like broken pieces of a toy you cannot dispose of – because it reminds you of who you were as a child. A broken angel dangling on a new Christmas tree. It reminds you of who you used to be. You chance upon seeing something that was given and what is now broken and you weep. All the happy moments through the day signify nothing in the face of what has been lost. And that is okay.

Heart break can teach you how important it is to survive loss… but it also teaches you that you are capable of moving on – irrespective of the fact, that the pain will live with you forever. Because love is for ever. It does not eradicate itself just because the person you love has left. It does not even need the person you love; it just needs itself to survive.

Heart break can break you. it can remold you into something that you never thought was possible. It shows you how dark human life can be… and within the pain it also shows you how human you can actually be, too. It is all about understanding that just because you have reached a darkness that appears fractured, you are not dead. Perhaps that is what it means to be alive. You live through the pain and pain alone will make you worthy.

There are times when the pain engulfs you and it shows you that you yet alive. it is like freezing water, even if your head is above it, it rips through muscle and grips your innards. It capsizes all the cavities that can hold air. It chokes you. it makes you gasp. Films form over your eyes and everything seems blurry. You can either let the cold envelope you and submerge, or you can stay afloat, until you find the will to swim.

I am not here to judge how you choose to deal with the pain. I will just say that pain exists … and it owes you nothing except a choice. So, what will you choose? My choice is clear. I am here, writing this, so that you who are reading this, know that heartbreak refines, it makes you stronger, worthier and truer to your own self.