Collateral Beauty

It’s been a while since a movie moved me to tears. I remember it happening when Meryl Streep sang The Winner Takes It All. Today, it happened – not so intensely, but it would have if I wasn’t sitting with a stranger to my left – because I was so deeply moved by the movie. I guess I realise why a movie is called a movie, and I know I speak figuratively, because otherwise it does derive itself literally from moving pictures.

The story was well-written. I loved the personifications of Love, Death and Time. They were surreal and brilliant. Kiera was effervescent as Love, Helen was fantastic as Death, and there was a new boy who played Time, I don’t quite remember his name.

Before the movie, something happened to put me in a melancholy mood. I had come out from a bath and so had Anand and all I asked him to do was lie down beside me and cuddle. Well, it so happened that it was just me cuddling. He couldn’t even bother to put his arms around me. You know, how they say life flashes before you, moments before you die? Well, love flashed before my eyes, and I realised that he truly doesn’t want me anymore.

It’s a bitter thing to swallow. He may need me for various reasons, but I think we are both pulling this through because we are just so used to each other now, we don’t seem to see a world where the other doesn’t feature – and ever since we opened the relationship any semblance of intimacy we had is truly dead. At least on his behalf. I keep trying to touch him, but then again, that’s just me. For him, he couldn’t even be bothered to try.

It’s not a sexual thing, love never was with me… And I have only just realised that – I always would equate making love with love and that is not true. There is a saying that Helen Mirren, as Death, mentions to a parent at the loss of their child, “Just make sure you notice the collateral beauty.”

That is what I have been doing… every time something little dies in me, I try and think of why I am carrying on. What pulls me to another day. What gets me to work at night. What makes me think of another Christmas. Writing this I feel I may just burst into tears, but all I am doing is think about the collateral beauty of it all. I just keep gathering it, and gathering it and gathering…

Post Porn

You know post porn, and a shag, that feeling that comes to you: do people really have sex like that? I mean, is this what I will be missing my whole life through? There are times when there is a guy who meets you and says, I am coming over, meet me at the door nude. And you think of all the things that could possibly go wrong. Then all those insecurities of your body that shoot through your mind like a hurricane… And you go to the door wearing a vest and boxers and the lover sees you, disappointed and you think of an excuse.

Post porn you get the courage, but then post porn you are also sated. You feel like getting into bed and going to sleep – thinking, oh, yes, tomorrow will be the day I meet the pizza delivery boy with a hard-on and then turn him on, too.  And all you actually end up doing is making love to the pizza.

The weekend was a good one. Had a lovely time at the party. Anand was at the counter, and I danced the night away with Yash and Anil. Of course, I found out later via Yash that he had come to the party to lend Gaurav moral support. Dee banned Puneet from the parties, and Gaurav and Niyaz came to the party and danced away. Anil tells me, after being manhandled by Gaurav, that this is why Gaurav gets beaten up. And I look at him and wonder what he must be saying about me…

The meet on HIV that Jay conducted the following day, today, was exceptional. Two guys in the meet actually came out in the course of the meet as being Poz and it was such a fantastic discussion. We talked of everything so very openly, and got a lot of advice from Jay and he says that A should start up with ART immediately. That was the protocol used by doctors abroad, and he was insistent that this happen as soon as possible.

So we come to another turning point in our lives… I am not worried, but it’s another new trip, but hey, that is what keeps life interesting and going in a different fashion… Hopefully we succeed in getting a good doctor. Jay will help with the regimen as well. He will be coming to the ‘Xmas party as well. Hopefully, the party goes well… I haven’t called anyone in particular. Let’s see who shows up.

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

I’d give it 7/10

Let me begin with a wish: I wish that Alfonso Cuarón had directed this movie – and he would be also allowed to direct all the rest that are to follow. I don’t really like David Yates’ direction. The movie moves well enough, but there are some cuts and snap tos that I can’t seem to digest as well-directed at all. That being said, the movie belongs to Eddie Redmayne. He has pulled off the role of Newton Scamander so well that the errors of direction seem alright.

*Spoilers ahead – you be warned*

The movie basically deals with Scamander coming in to America to release a thunderbird into the wilds of Arizona. The creature, Frank, as Newt has named him, is absolutely beautiful. I cannot help but admire all those who happen to be sorted in Thunderbird at Ilvermorny. Being one of the house members of Puckwudgie just seems like I was sorted in Slytherin, much like Albus Potter is… But then, I’ll just have to wait and see what being a Puckwudgie would be like – but I digress.

There are various new elements presented in the story. Since it happens on the continent of America I cannot help but see Hillary Clinton as Seraphina Picquery and Percival Graves as Trump. But then again that’s just me: seeing metaphors where none exist.

Eddie Redmayne! Thankfully, he was rejected to play Tom Riddle way back in 2002, when he auditioned for the part in the Chamber of Secrets. Or else, casting him here would have been impossible. This man takes acting to a whole different level. He plays the part of Newt like he was born a wizard, attended Hogwarts, was sorted into Hufflepuff, was expelled from the school, and became a Magizoologist. His reticence reaches his eyes all the time. There is a wariness and diffidence that most animal lovers have when dealing with human beings, the attitude which is so deeply imbibed within them which makes them distrust humans, seeing them as beings that debase the environment and massacre other organisms they deem inferior. Eddie imbues all of this within Newt Scamander, with a faultless charm. There couldn’t have been a better choice to play this. He is to Newt what Martin Freeman was to Bilbo.

Porpentina Goldstein is very well-portrayed by Katherine Waterston. An independent woman who stands up for the downtrodden by breaking rules and therefore loses status at her job which is all about upholding the rules. The magical community doesn’t seem to be very lenient when it comes to the law – it literally (and ironically) is Draconian. I draw parallels again: to me, Tina is like Hermione and Newt is like Harry. Porpentina’s sister, Queenie, is much like Luna Lovegood, and Jacob Kowalski is much like Ron. So at least in this historical spin-off, Harry and Hermione get together. *wink*

Ezra Miller stands out. Maybe because he identifies as queer in real life, he could play this role so vividly. Someone trying to repress who he really is and that leads to his becoming an Obscurial, eventually leading to his detriment. His scenes stand out, parallel to the repressed power of acting shown by the very gifted Samantha Morton.

The MACUSA is created beautifully, one thing is for certain: the visual effects team has done a phenomenal job! Each creature has been lovingly crafted. The sheer imaginative genius of J. K. Rowling has to be hailed once again, for thinking up of these creatures in the first place. I still remember reading both “Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them” and “Quidditch Through the Ages” so many years ago, and chuckling at her sharp wit and mammoth ingenuity. Now as I see the thunderbird come to life with its six wings, and the beauty of the Occamy slither away after a cockroach, I am awestruck all over again.

Each beast – and there are quite a few in the movie – have been devotedly crafted. To match the benevolence and adoration shown to them by Scamander, the visual effects team have done them complete justice. The erumpent is wonderfully funny, the nundu is majestic, the graphorn is grandiose, and the niffler is as immensely lovable as the bowtruckle is endearing. The Swooping Evil is completely contrary to its name. It literally saves the heroine, ensnares the villain and saves the entire magical community from being exposed to the No-Maj world. The movie is about beasts and where to find them, indeed!

Which brings me to a different sort of beast: Gillert Grindelwald. All of us who have read the Harry Potter books from front to back, several times, over the years, know who he is. When I read his relationship with Dumbledore, I had cocked my eyebrow on reading about it at several places. Hello, this seems like romantic love, I thought to myself – and sure enough, Rowling mentioned after it all was written and done with, that Dumbledore, my hero, was gay. So Gillert became someone he was in love with – or at least, I believe so. Colin Farrell is good – but there literally is applause in the theater when Johnny Depp is revealed as the true Gillert.

But it is in the portrayal of this character, that I find that the film doesn’t add up. How has he taken the identity of Percival Graves? Polyjuice? Is Graves dead? Does Grindelwald already have the elder wand when he duels with Porpentina and then Newt? (The exact date when he gets the Elder Wand could be between 1899-1945, so he may not have it in his possession at the time of these duels.) He is 43 years old when the film is set, at the beginning of, if not already at, the height of his power. So why does he require an Obscurus? How will that help him find the Deathly Hallows? I am sure all of this will eventually be explained. But for that we must wait for another two years. And then another two more and then – oh well, you get the drift.

Yes, I would totally recommend the film. It’s sluggish in the beginning, and apart from the leads, the rest of the cast seems incompetent in their roles. I would commend it for brilliant visual effects – the beasts are breathtaking, and now you know exactly where to find them.