I have always been baffled—no, repulsed—by the hypocrisy of men who live double lives. These are men who pray, fast, go to temples, churches, mosques, or synagogues, who post about their faith and devotion—yet behind closed doors, they are deceiving the very people who trust them the most. They are closeted gay men married to women, lying to their spouses, their families, and even to themselves. I see them, and I wonder: how do they sleep at night? How do they stand before their god and pretend to be righteous while actively living a lie?
I know this is how the world works. I know people lie, that deception is everywhere. But that knowledge doesn’t make it any easier to stomach. It disgusts me to see a man post a picture of himself praying, knowing full well that he is cheating on his wife with other men. Or seeing another man cry over his religious faith, when he himself is engaged in an affair while maintaining the outward appearance of a devoted husband and father. Is this what faith is? Is this what religion teaches—to uphold appearances at any cost while destroying lives behind the scenes?
The phenomenon of closeted gay men marrying women isn’t new. Studies across the world show that thousands of gay men, fearing societal rejection, enter into heterosexual marriages. In India, a 2009 study by the Humsafar Trust found that nearly 70% of gay men in Mumbai were married to women by the age of 30. In smaller cities, the number was as high as 82%. A 2018 survey by Planet Romeo revealed that one-third of gay and bisexual men in India were married to women, and 72% had no intention of ever coming out. What about their wives? Only 16% knew about their husbands’ true orientation.
In the United States, a study by the Williams Institute estimated that around 2 million LGBTQ+ people in the country have entered into different-sex marriages, many due to religious or societal pressure. Among them, the vast majority identified as Christian. In Latin America, where Catholicism plays a dominant role, closeted gay men have historically been pressured into marrying women, with little space to live openly.
This is not just a phenomenon limited to conservative religious societies. Even in more liberal Western nations, where acceptance of LGBTQ+ people is significantly higher, many men still feel compelled to marry women due to cultural and familial expectations. Across South Asia, the Middle East, parts of Africa, and highly traditional communities in the West, the story remains the same: men pretending to be straight to meet societal norms, using women as a shield to maintain their façade.
What sickens me most is the blatant religious hypocrisy. These men claim to be devout. They attend church, pray five times a day, fast, go to temples, celebrate religious festivals. They publicly uphold their faith as a symbol of their righteousness. But when it comes to honesty, to the most fundamental principles of integrity, they fail. It’s like they believe that as long as they pray, as long as they follow the outward rituals, everything else is forgiven. But what about the wives they deceive? The families they manipulate?
I see them posting religious messages, celebrating festivals, and talking about morality while lying to their partners. And I want to shake them and ask: do you even believe in the God you claim to serve? Because if they did, surely they would be terrified of the weight of their deceit. Surely they would know that no amount of prayer can erase the damage they cause.
This is not an attack on faith. In fact, I believe true faith should encourage honesty, self-reflection, and compassion. But these men pick and choose which parts of their religion they want to follow. When it comes to cheating, lying, and leading double lives, they conveniently ignore the moral teachings of their own faith. But they’ll be the first to condemn others for so-called “sins” while refusing to acknowledge their own deception.
Living a double life isn’t just morally bankrupt—it’s also mentally exhausting. These men often suffer from severe anxiety, depression, and identity crises. The strain of keeping up a lie for years, sometimes decades, eats away at them. Meanwhile, their wives endure heartbreak, confusion, and a loss of trust when the truth finally emerges.
And then there are the children. How many families have been broken because a man decided to pretend? How many lives are shattered when, after years of deception, the truth comes out? A woman who thought she had a loving husband realizes she was nothing more than a cover story. Children grow up sensing something was always “off” about their father but not understanding why. And the man himself—if he even has a conscience—must live with the guilt of having built his life on lies.
I am not against faith. I am not against religion. But I am against false piety, against men who hide behind religion while doing everything their faith supposedly condemns. I have no patience for cowards who choose deception over truth, who destroy innocent lives just to maintain their fake image.
If you are a closeted man struggling with your sexuality, do not drag another person into your internal battle. Do not marry a woman just to please your family or to appear “normal” in society. And if you are already married and living this lie, then face your truth—for your sake, for your wife’s sake, for your children’s sake.
And if you are one of those men who pretend to be pious while knowing full well what you are doing in secret—then do yourself a favour and stop praying. Because no god worth worshipping would ever reward a liar.
Hearts Still Care 