I can put away the pill;
I haven’t put away my pain;
But sleep is lured to me,
As fatigue strives again.
The draining of the heart
Is a gruelling process –
a rigmarole of feeling
That affords no recess.
Four words from someone
Can tear you down;
Four words can also freely
Send in the clowns.
I want to try and see
If I can earn some sleep
Without its torturing –
Or its rest being deep.
If I can be let go,
Despite love and living,
It’s time to take heed
And start a self forgiving.
I went for a walk.
(I struck out “with you”)
You walked ahead,
In silence.
A stranger maintaining social distancing.
I walked behind you.
The silence lasted
The entire walk.
20 minutes.
It felt like each time
You left me alone –
Outside dressing rooms,
In parties,
In your family.
It exacerbated
All recent loss
All of my grief.
But I counted on you
For relief.
Instead,
You took me into the past.
And reminded me
Of who you were,
Who I was,
Before I became.
Now,
Again,
I forget my name.
I wonder if this is how
Love makes all pain last,
As this walk took me farther from my future,
Into an apathetic past.
Strange how lifting
A body in death,
Though wrecks my back,
Still leaves me with breath;
But stifling
a heart break
Stops all air
my lungs make.
Hearts Still Care 
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