Tag: Regret

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Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

Life goes on and I have begun to smile –

That smile even fools me for a while.

For a moment, I forget I am lost –

I forget what that smile really cost.

For many people love and want me still,

In the future, there will be more who will.

But, now the smile may linger on my face;

Though it is not true; it is some grace.

It knows how quick most love tends to forget

And the smile hardens quickly with regret.

Family looks on, as public, and knows

That smile long forsook what it shows.

But it’ll linger (tears aren’t well met by all

So, in dark, they will continue to fall).

In light, the smile sparkles on Instagram

And pretends, my dear, to not give a damn.

Regret

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

People come into my life
And they say they love
And then they take parts of me away
They take away favourite things of mine
Things I share with them
A movie I loved but now cannot watch
Because we bonded with it
A month I adored
By now I don’t because of a birthday
Sweets that craved
But now I can’t because I cannot bake
With him, of him, by him.
Small parts of my innards
Wound against a stick and pulled out
Slowly.
I have also begun self hate
Why would I not have the balls
To move on?
What makes my heart the way
It made my dad keep hammering me
Through childhood and teens.
Be a man.
Be strong.
Don’t be a pussy.
Son of a bitch.
You got shit in your head.
And here I am –
Being everything opposite.
Now I don’t do it with pride.
Pride’s gone.
Love has torn it apart.
It’s like you don’t want me
I don’t make you happy
But I’m willing to bend over
Backwards.
My father would have been so proud.
I’m not.
But there’ll come a time
When your own sense of political correctness
Will make you realise
You did a wrong.
You may not have taken a belt to me.
Just a slap. Long ago.
And I took it.
And I still wanted you.
Like I wanted my father to love me.
But I wanted a lover.
And you were crueller.
With dad, I knew he hated me. He left.
You loved me, you said.
You held me and said I promise.
And then, you decided for yourself.
And you left.
And you took my favourite things away.
And left me with regret
Something
Even my father could never make me do.

Forty

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

Then as you turn a decade older,
The heart turns ten degrees colder;
The outward smile warps inward now,
The lines deepen the widened brow.
Age has taught much as it should,
Have you learnt as much as you could?
Are there newer hurts left to feel?
Are there newer hopes left to reveal?
Is there time left for parched lips to kiss?
Is there anything left for you to miss?
Do the rhymes fail and fall blank
Into talent that was never frank?
Smiles are ready. Regrets are uncertain.
Loss made sure all rules lay broken.
As you move from white and black to grey,
Fuck what you do and hear and say.
People are never who they appear,
In time you know, they will all disappear;
Hands that held yours were just hotter air –
Tragic; but belief taught you despair.
This air flows in and out much like breath,
It will flow on, perhaps until death.
Smile, though what you feared would surely hold,
Turn rusting iron into molten gold.
Wear the coronet and rise and shine.
You won you with the passage of time.