poetryblog – Page 3 – Hearts Still Care

Tsunami

The darkness of memory
Isn’t always around.
It’s like being at a beach,
On sandy, yet steady, ground.

Then some thing makes me think of
What I forgot for a while.
I see the tides roll back far.
I taste familiar bile.

Fear and guilt shake down my spine
And I know I can’t take it;
I know, to higher ground,
I cannot hope to make it.

The tides pull back like a whip;
The birds have all flown past;
I blame me for being stupid;
I hate I couldn’t make love last.

The tsunami of memory builds;
I see the wall of water;
Flow in steady, like this ground,
All ready for a slaughter.

It’s blue and terrible:
Cascading like napalm screams;
All my thoughts, kisses and vows,
Wrapped in fear and betrayed dreams.

As it comes sweeping in,
I suck in air, my heart takes it.
The water bursts against me.
(While in real life, my smile fakes it.)

I look for you in different faces,
Some are cold and some are kind;
But I can’t touch any of the spaces,
Where love was gentle and blind.

I reach out to strangers,
Unmindful of their fear, too,
That there are certain dangers
Of trying to forget you.

I seek them out and express all my hope,
That someone out there will feel,
Will bar anxiety, or help me cope,
Wipe my tears, or help me heal –

But it all ends up happening again –
Expectations burn promise.
New hurt makes stronger unforgotten pain,
From your last words and our last kiss.

Life goes on and I have begun to smile –

That smile even fools me for a while.

For a moment, I forget I am lost –

I forget what that smile really cost.

For many people love and want me still,

In the future, there will be more who will.

But, now the smile may linger on my face;

Though it is not true; it is some grace.

It knows how quick most love tends to forget

And the smile hardens quickly with regret.

Family looks on, as public, and knows

That smile long forsook what it shows.

But it’ll linger (tears aren’t well met by all

So, in dark, they will continue to fall).

In light, the smile sparkles on Instagram

And pretends, my dear, to not give a damn.