I can put away the pill;
I haven’t put away my pain;
But sleep is lured to me,
As fatigue strives again.
The draining of the heart
Is a gruelling process –
a rigmarole of feeling
That affords no recess.
Four words from someone
Can tear you down;
Four words can also freely
Send in the clowns.
I want to try and see
If I can earn some sleep
Without its torturing –
Or its rest being deep.
If I can be let go,
Despite love and living,
It’s time to take heed
And start a self forgiving.
I said I loved you
And I brought you into my world
You said you loved me
And later, gave me up for yours.
It just goes to show
What love makes one lose,
When its dimensions
Cannot help one choose.
Each time, I sleep,
I wake –
Having dreamt of you,
Smiling,
Sharing,
Caring,
Fighting.
I stop sleeping.
I do my work,
Think of how you helped
And encouraged.
I stop work.
I rearrange clothes
And find a pair of your socks
You forgot behind.
They are black,
With white hearts on them.
I stop rearranging.
I go for a bath
To soothe my body.
Look at your shelves
Filled with shampoos and creams,
Two toothbrushes, bent and bristly
And I want to throw them out.
Instead –
I stop bathing.
I go onto social media
And the first thing I check
Are your profiles…
I smile at the picture of a pizza you posted,
Wonder, if you ever check my feed,
And wonder at my smile.
I stop smiling.
I sit with my family
To talk about life.
Each one who loves you
Talk of what happened,
They wonder and they rage.
I stop talking.
Night falls and I dread
Lying down in bed.
I feel trapped and choke.
I cry.
Eventually,
I nod off…
…to dream.
I stop sleeping.
Hearts Still Care 
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