poemblog – Page 37 – Hearts Still Care

Enough

If I look back,
I know I was loved.

I was given,
When desire was known.

I was held,
When tears were grown.

I was helped,
When the going was rough.

I know he loved,
If I look back;

But it was not enough.

The darkness of memory
Isn’t always around.
It’s like being at a beach,
On sandy, yet steady, ground.

Then some thing makes me think of
What I forgot for a while.
I see the tides roll back far.
I taste familiar bile.

Fear and guilt shake down my spine
And I know I can’t take it;
I know, to higher ground,
I cannot hope to make it.

The tides pull back like a whip;
The birds have all flown past;
I blame me for being stupid;
I hate I couldn’t make love last.

The tsunami of memory builds;
I see the wall of water;
Flow in steady, like this ground,
All ready for a slaughter.

It’s blue and terrible:
Cascading like napalm screams;
All my thoughts, kisses and vows,
Wrapped in fear and betrayed dreams.

As it comes sweeping in,
I suck in air, my heart takes it.
The water bursts against me.
(While in real life, my smile fakes it.)

Was it all a lie?
I cannot tell. I do not know.
He promised he’d stay;
But then I watched him go.

Every flower knows,
The bee will return;
The sun can tell
How the moon yearns;

The shore feels the tide,
It understands the sea;
But these metaphors
Everyone can not see.

I guess I am one who
Knows the heart not his head,
Yet they both lie now
Quite broken in this bed.