panic attack

it feels like someone is sitting on my chest
and the panic is like a wet cloth pressed on my nose
and eyes
and mouth
and i cannot breathe
some would think i am a seeker of
drama
and some would think i need to be crowned with a tiara
some would tell me brave it out,
this is just another test.

but i know this feeling
it happened when i was cheated on
it happened when my mother was diagnosed with cancer
it happened when i lost a child
it descends like a dementor from azkaban
i feel its mouth on mine
and i cannot remember any light
not a single memory of a smile
but there is this world reeling, reeling, reeling.
preventing any entry of hope or of healing.

Disintegration of thought,
Like a whirlwind upon mist.
Destiny grows stark and vaguer.
It’s something despair kissed.
The world shrinks to a point of light,
In an eddy of life’s utter doom;
Panic raises its terrible wings –
The blame lies ultimately on whom?
Thought has shattered,
Pinioned under those terrible wings;
Destiny and despair coalesce,
Turning into demonic things.
They rip, shred, rape every molecule
That prods an upturned lip;
While the last of light dies,
As panic breathes in its last sip.
The wind rattles sanity.
It is rattling away still…
Bare eyes wide, wide in the dark –
Now it is just the question of Will.