The Circus Clown

Making the same mistake over again,
Leaves me hardly any room to complain.
Admitted that I have wounds to relieve,
Self worth that never fails to deceive,
A hope that never seems to fall to defeat,
Or opposed needs that could ever meet
The passion, that raises an ironic head,
While intelligence leaves its bed.

I fall for a sweet word mumbled in dry tones,
Via uncaring lips or vacuous telephones;
I fall for a kind look and lovely hair,
I forget the rendering and the despair.

I fall to rise again like a circus clown
I just can’t seem to learn to stay down.
I fall.

It is like a roller coaster ride:
So filled with thrills I cannot deride.

Words are so beautifully spoken
I hear them despite them being broken.
But, though I’m tired of falling, I see it clear:
My fears, though numb, are almost dear,
As if that hope I had, now, has clawed deep
And being awakened shall never sleep.

In mistakes then, it shall seek a solace,
That never stays in one time or one place.
So on I blunder, and get held by warm lies,
And truth shall fail, no matter how it tries
To make sense of the world that is now mine,
That knows joy for rare, brief seconds of time.

Hindsight

A turning away of the glance
Brings back insecurity
A refusal to dance
Is all that’s left to me.

No hope to see inside
No breath there is left to hold
What else is there to deride
Besides a heart burnt so cold

Friends I looked for then
All most wanted was a break
I cannot remember when
They didn’t leave back some heartache

In hindsight I gather there
Was a mistake I myself made
When in hope’s heated glare
I tried to find some timely shade.

There is much to live for
Of that I guess I am sure
But onward what’s in store
Shall test the will to endure.

Marilyn and Blanche

I always fall in love; I always, always do,
If you touch my life, with your words and kind eyes;
And if, at first, I think you are seeming true,
There will be this heart that will tell you no lies.

But it shall devour the love you have to give,
Since it experienced hungers of its own;
For that, it shall quiet readily forgive
Each teardrop, past pain, each sigh, every moan.

But you will leave, so it readies for heartbreak:
It is aware of love and all its dangers;
And to diminish the blow of each mistake
Makes me depend on the kindness of strangers.