Lover – Page 8 – Hearts Still Care

Let’s be dramatic: I am furious.
Torn apart by those who should care –
Either by love or indifference –
It’s getting too much to bear!

I expect to love who do love;
But I end up with those who hurt –
So pain is another form of love:
Does it prove how much love’s truly worth?

I want to scream, I wish to escape,
I want to be rid of this colossal dead weight,
That oppresses my should-be, maybe soul,
While time puts it in an unending wait.

For what reason? Leading to what end?
What use the lover? Where is the friend?
How am I alone in such bitter cold?
Why must suffering gain this much hold?

Why cannot people be a bit kinder?
Why cannot love be a bit blinder?
If I do not release this anger soon,
I’ll end up crying, dramatically dying.

But do not deign to offer me hope;
Because that’s the biggest liar here;
He shelters such expectation,
Which commands me to kneel and adhere.

I have seen differently,
I have felt the opposite,
Disease surrounds his being,
Corroding all around bit by bit.

Metaphysical thought can go take a leap!
I am sick of knowing how Karma multiplies!
And though I squeeze hope by the throat,
He thrives and my anger wantonly survives.

Friends and Lovers.

You asked me, some days back, why friends are all to me,
For, you say, I neglect you and think of them constantly.
When I’m with them, I give them the leisure of my smile,
But you are part of my frowns and tears all the while.
I write this on a rainy night, for you caused me hurt,
And impregnated my eye which has just given birth.
You misunderstood my heart and raved some days before,
Though I thought you – of all men – knew my heart to its core.
I feel that I thought wrong and you, a contradiction.
And now let us just dissect fact from fiction.

My smiles are not all heartfelt smiles with all of my friends;
For they neither know where my love starts nor where it ends.
But you, you do. (Or I thought you did.) They can – do not.
And intense emotions do not fall in friendship’s lot.
(Unless, of course, love plays its tumultuous role in it.)
And that is the space of difference you need to hit.
The rain has stopped outside briefly and our dog wants out:
I walked her and glared at the surrounding muck and doubt …
I have let you see the side of me only few see;
But you wish to be blind to this part of me.

Since you wish more smiles, you rate yourself to be a friend
Nothing more. So decide true, as lovers then we end?
Now, for example, take the pentacled box you bought me,
‘Twas a gift needed! Joy untold! Such felicity!
Mother asked for it since I have not put it to use,
But memory of your love, I could never abuse.
So it remains, filled with smiles (unused) still on my shelf,
Until I find a better use for it by myself.
You think (yes, yes, you do!) I look to friends more than you;
But, my silly dear, pigs will fly, if that is true.

When I first fell in love, I thought silly things,
I thought all love is the same song that life sings.
With years, I thought I learnt a different song.
Today, I know on both counts, I was wrong.
The silly band has changed, as has the sharp tune;
But the words sound the same to this bloody loon.
You talk of my friendly smiles and frowns in love,
But now let me speak of what I’m thinking of!
My box, your phone – love’s gifts – one to the other.
Though when it comes to your friend – oh, no bother!

Off goes my gift in his hand – just for a day, you say,
Oh? But there goes your argument, up the arsehole’s way!
I trade mere smiles in my friendship, mine to make and give!
I gift the love that I make myself – that’s how I live!
But you just traded my love for the sake of your friend!
I guess this is where my argument should end.

5th August.
3:30 a.m.