The Same

As I take the sleeping pill,
I dread the night ahead.
There is someone who loves me,
With his back to me in bed,
No one to hold me,
Like you once did instead.

The dark was my home,
You entered in it willingly.
I grew used to having another
Who touched sadder parts of me.
The saddest part is
I loved you all too much
Yet –
Not enough, you said,
Because I expected more.

I expected something
You could not see
As the morning light came.
You lost sight of the fights,
I fought on your behalf,
As the sun played his game.
Requirements of the earth
Took root –
What chance does the moon have
Against such a brilliant suit?

I hope the pill helps me
Reject the rejected –
For a few hours –
And face this fading sun
And all that he empowers.
In time, every star fades –
I will forego your thigh upon mine,
Your arm around my chest –
And I will still be the same moon,
Despite the sun’s very best.

Pillow

A virus ravages the world.

A famine envelops mine.

I crawl into bed,

Having no measure of time,

Sleep eludes me for days,

As your memory ravages my mind.

I lift up the pillow you used

And hold it to my face.

Your smell has followed you away.

I remember,

If you remember how I would,

Or if you undoubtedly felt

When you said,

I don’t want to be with you.

The Ones Who Still Love Me

It’s the third day
Since you left
Me.
The crying is now intermittent,
Between daily chores.
They interfere with the tears,
So, sadness lies hidden
Like the truth you never shared.

The ones who still love me
Become vocal.
They blame.
I cannot.
I’m in love.
It’s masochistic.

I regress into my room.
Fearful their love
Will terrify mine.

I can’t blame.
Not them. Not even you.

It’s all a matter of
Love.

Logic may appear –
Bringing a scale –
When promises and the past
Are measured.

It may.

Right now I deal
With hiding tears,
And countering
Future fears.