Last Kiss

I look for you in different faces,
Some are cold and some are kind;
But I can’t touch any of the spaces,
Where love was gentle and blind.

I reach out to strangers,
Unmindful of their fear, too,
That there are certain dangers
Of trying to forget you.

I seek them out and express all my hope,
That someone out there will feel,
Will bar anxiety, or help me cope,
Wipe my tears, or help me heal –

But it all ends up happening again –
Expectations burn promise.
New hurt makes stronger unforgotten pain,
From your last words and our last kiss.

I remember, I must

I remember the gold hair in your beard,
As the loss descends, much as I feared.
The eyes grandmother warned me to avoid
Have bored, into my heart, an endless void.

I remember how hair curled on your neck,
How, when you fought, a tiny spittle-speck,
Frothed, and formed strings, between your soft lips –
The void shifts. Tears threaten. My breath dips.

I haven’t eaten a mango this season –
Will strawberries hold you back for treason?
I would look for you when you’d gone too far,
How I would instruct you to drive the car,
I pick up the phone to wish you good night –
But you’ve kept your silence and killed this right.

I remember your leg‘s weight when we slept,
I remember the promises we kept.
I remember your warm hand holding mine,
Through each movie, every single time.

I remember you wiping my tears dry
And I wonder how you have let me cry…

The kids miss you. (Remember my daughter?)
They have passed for you, like dirty water.

I’m mad at you. I’m pining. I am lost.
If I’ve hurt you, is this truly the cost?
Because I loved the way you felt and thought,
I‘ll always remember, but you forgot.

Though, through this caravan of memory,
I‘ve seen us through paths you will never see,
You’ve forsaken me in a place I know,
Love will hold fast; but I must let you go.

Dreams

My dreams these days are only of you.

I feel you in them.

I smile –
Then I wake!
The sense of your loss overpowers me!
Sleep a casual acquaintance
Is now an enemy –
I don’t wish to sleep anymore!

The night scares me!

You were in my arms
Through the journeying
of the stars –
Now they explode –
And plummet toward me.

I want to reach you!

But I am now terrified –
Of those stars –
Of the night –
Of my dreams –
And of you.