Tag: Grief

Grief

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

It keeps threatening to consume me whole:

This dark night of my questionable soul.

Death, separation and heartbreak,

I dread to think of what else they take.

For now as the summer sun grows hot

And the very earth condemns our lot,

The fates conspire and repel all desire.

Mourning comes in the building of a pyre,

With rules and laws, medicines and food,

What should I beg for and to what good?

I cannot blame an evil eye, or sin,

For all this breaking and screaming within.

It seems hopeful to call it the forge of life

And believe in higher metaphors of strife.

I’d rather know less of grief than I must;

I’d rather seek anything else to trust.

Your Calling

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

He meant nothing to me –

Except he was your father

Who turned you away

For being gay.

You did all you could

And I know you would;

Because that’s who you are.

Suffering teaches you

The value of death.

Seeing you do,

What needs to be done,

Breaking a pot,

Taking turns around the fire,

Lifting the water

And the clarified butter,

Like the body of your father,

Like I had done a few years ago,

Made me weep.

Abscesses linger

Of abandonment.

Wounds that have cut too deep

Don’t allow the momentum

Of life to fall back into joy.

You will leave by morning,

For duty, a calling

And a new suffering,

Time has chosen to employ.

I Stop

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

Each time, I sleep,
I wake –
Having dreamt of you,
Smiling,
Sharing,
Caring,
Fighting.
I stop sleeping.

I do my work,
Think of how you helped
And encouraged.
I stop work.

I rearrange clothes
And find a pair of your socks
You forgot behind.
They are black,
With white hearts on them.
I stop rearranging.

I go for a bath
To soothe my body.
Look at your shelves
Filled with shampoos and creams,
Two toothbrushes, bent and bristly
And I want to throw them out.
Instead –
I stop bathing.

I go onto social media
And the first thing I check
Are your profiles…
I smile at the picture of a pizza you posted,
Wonder, if you ever check my feed,
And wonder at my smile.
I stop smiling.

I sit with my family
To talk about life.
Each one who loves you
Talk of what happened,
They wonder and they rage.
I stop talking.

Night falls and I dread
Lying down in bed.
I feel trapped and choke.
I cry.
Eventually,
I nod off…
…to dream.
I stop sleeping.