Dramatic

Let’s be dramatic: I am furious.
Torn apart by those who should care –
Either by love or indifference –
It’s getting too much to bear!

I expect to love who do love;
But I end up with those who hurt –
So pain is another form of love:
Does it prove how much love’s truly worth?

I want to scream, I wish to escape,
I want to be rid of this colossal dead weight,
That oppresses my should-be, maybe soul,
While time puts it in an unending wait.

For what reason? Leading to what end?
What use the lover? Where is the friend?
How am I alone in such bitter cold?
Why must suffering gain this much hold?

Why cannot people be a bit kinder?
Why cannot love be a bit blinder?
If I do not release this anger soon,
I’ll end up crying, dramatically dying.

But do not deign to offer me hope;
Because that’s the biggest liar here;
He shelters such expectation,
Which commands me to kneel and adhere.

I have seen differently,
I have felt the opposite,
Disease surrounds his being,
Corroding all around bit by bit.

Metaphysical thought can go take a leap!
I am sick of knowing how Karma multiplies!
And though I squeeze hope by the throat,
He thrives and my anger wantonly survives.

Eve

Carols croon soft in my ear this early morning,
Though as usual my heart does not wish to sing;
The noose of life has tightened and I need the knife,
Which I threw away to prevent preconceived strife.

How ironical that I should need that blade now!
My world and I are being swept in the thick flow
Of superficiality, progress and money –
A trapped, dying fly in a golden vat of honey!

So some friends threw me a rope to help me escape;
But it snagged on my neck and each pull felt like rape;
If I struggle a bit they think me ungrateful,
Though it is to my own self I’m being unfaithful!

I am caught either way and trust has long since died;
Old entreaties to God have also been denied;
So Jesus descends into the world on this day,
But I can’t hope, can’t sing, can’t rise, can’t sink, can’t pray.

8:45am
24th December

“If I seem sad do not bother to stop by”

If I seem sad do not bother to stop by
And ask if things are awry,
Just walk on and I shall be fine
It’s just another phase of mine.

(I think too much that’s the thing,
Or maybe it’s an excess of feeling.
Perhaps love has caused me grief
Or a friend has shred my belief.
I set a lot of score in both
And both have me at the throat.)

But you stop and question these tears of mine,
And ask who has cut me this time.
You are not my lover and I refuse to say
What makes me act this way.
Instead, clutching my bloody throat, I walk away
And you realize what happened today,
Since on your shoulder I do not depend,
The wound was caused by some old friend.