Tag: Despair

The Breath I Breathe

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

I am tired of writing about love and being loved,
I have seen it all and yet, I keep trying;
My heart never learned and now neither does the brain –
It is a limitless rigmarole of lying!

Maybe I confuse love with acceptance:
Seeing myself as Perfect, in the eyes of a lover;
But, eventually, I see myself as lacking
Remorse is what I eventually discover.

Ironic sure that the last who loved me
When I was young, now wants someone younger;
Ironic more that he who says loves me now,
Professed cluelessly, quite the same hunger.

Confessions and cheatings have torn my soul apart,
So much so that I have no soul left to bare;
I truly wish I had no use for this miserable heart:
All it has conferred on me is dead-ended despair.

Somewhere delving deeper than heart sinew,
I must have found some self worth, some strength;
But all love does is push it right back in
And holds me up to ridicule and judgement.

Words, when spoken by those I love, shatter
Good, vain preconceptions I have fostered of me;
So I pick and dissect all those that matter
Yet relegate each to just horned-up sexuality.

I really thought I had pushed love out of my system,
Look to the mirror for that is what they all see!
But time makes me commit the same mistake over
And think that love finally wanted the heart in me.

If you want the heart it lies in a body just as mine
And is this not love to love both just the same
My heart has grown older with my body over time
And both still respond to the very same name.

But I am tired of writing about being unloved,
I have seen it all and yet I keep trying,
And I know now that love will not stop
Until the breath I breathe before dying.

Forty

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

Then as you turn a decade older,
The heart turns ten degrees colder;
The outward smile warps inward now,
The lines deepen the widened brow.
Age has taught much as it should,
Have you learnt as much as you could?
Are there newer hurts left to feel?
Are there newer hopes left to reveal?
Is there time left for parched lips to kiss?
Is there anything left for you to miss?
Do the rhymes fail and fall blank
Into talent that was never frank?
Smiles are ready. Regrets are uncertain.
Loss made sure all rules lay broken.
As you move from white and black to grey,
Fuck what you do and hear and say.
People are never who they appear,
In time you know, they will all disappear;
Hands that held yours were just hotter air –
Tragic; but belief taught you despair.
This air flows in and out much like breath,
It will flow on, perhaps until death.
Smile, though what you feared would surely hold,
Turn rusting iron into molten gold.
Wear the coronet and rise and shine.
You won you with the passage of time.

Vow

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

I have taken you these fifteen years hence
To be whatever it is we have here:
A lover, spouse, friend, brother, recompense –
To have and hold so infinitely near.

I have taken you when poor and when rich,
Revelled in your health and embraced you sick,
I’ve ignored your eye, unravelled each glitch,
I have brought you love and I made it stick.

From that September, to this day forward,
I’ve taken your better, suffered your worse,
I’ve fought against despair; I’ve been your ward
And trekked through many a wish and a curse.

I persist to offer this ruined heart,
‘Til death doth, consenting, force it to part.