Tag: Acceptance

As I stand at the cusp of my fifties, I find myself reflecting on the arc of relationships that have shaped me: the people I’ve grown up with, the ones I’ve grown beside, those I’ve grown distant from, and those I continue to grow with. Most of them have been friends, some family, all deeply woven into the fabric of who I am. Because I’ve always loved with the entirety of myself.

For the longest time, I used to be devastated when relationships fell apart. I took every loss as a personal failure—proof that something in me had failed to be worthy of the love I so readily gave. But with time—and a great deal of heartbreak—I’ve come to see it differently. Now I know: I did the best I could. And so did they. No one is to blame. Life simply moved us in different directions.

Last year, I lost a 32-year-old friendship. It hurt, yes. But I don’t regret it. I stood up for who I am, for what I believe in, and I realised that I was not being treated with the respect I offered so freely. I had accepted my friend entirely, even her flaws. But she couldn’t meet me where I was. That wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t even hers. She simply wasn’t equipped to hold what I was bringing to the table.

Today, another moment came—and passed. An altercation with my partner, Anand, someone I’ve spent 25 years of my life with. We’ve seen some truly destructive storms together and somehow, we’ve always found our way back. Today was no different. He left. I felt the ache, but I didn’t crumble. Because here’s what I’ve learned: the things we believe will destroy us rarely do. The will to survive, to mend, to continue, is always stronger.

I saw it in myself. But I saw something younger in my family. As they watched the disagreement unfold, they became emotional, scattered, concerned not just for me but for him as well. That mattered. What is more important t o note: My family stood by not just me, but the man I love. And in that moment, I saw something I never expected to: the social scaffolding we so often deny queer people in this world—support—had quietly, finally, taken shape around me.

Even my other partner, (I am one in a throuple) asked me to call Anand. And I did. Not out of guilt or obligation, but because I knew there had been no malice in me, no cruelty and I wanted their anxiety to abate. What had occurred was a light-hearted joke misread, so I told Anand to come back if he believed in the word I gave him. And he did.

But it’s not just about that trivial argument. What moved me was everyone who stood by me and said: bring him back home. That’s what mattered. That home is not a place—it’s a choice people make, together, for one another.

In this Pride Month, I want to say this: queer relationships are not made of fairy dust and rebellion. They’re made of daily effort, missteps, recovery, repair. And while straight couples often have the privilege of familial support—two clans coming together to protect the sanctity of their union—queer couples are often left to navigate that terrain alone. When something goes wrong, it’s just the two of us, lost in a storm we’re often too young to steer through.

I see that now. At 50, I have an ingrained emotional sustenance I didn’t have in my twenties or thirties. Now I don’t need my family’s support. But standing slightly apart, observing with a kind of fourth-dimensional wisdom, I realise how rare and necessary it is that they choose to give it anyway.

That’s the heart of this. I’ve become my own person. I no longer need people to feel whole. But I choose them. That’s the truest form of intimacy, of maturity: to choose someone not from need, but from selfhood.

And to anyone reading this during Pride Month: remember that queer love thrives not just on passion, but on structure. On support. On society showing up for us the way it so readily does for others. When a queer couple falters, we too deserve a circle that rallies and restores, that says: bring him back home.