A Reflection on Insidiousness

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

There is something I must say, and I will not soften it with polite words. The LGBTQ+ community is no monolith of love, acceptance, and support. We like to present it that way, but the truth is harsher. Wherever there are human beings, there will also be envy, bitterness, and insidiousness. Where there is an Othello, there will always be an Iago. And we are not exempt from that.

Recently, I shared something deeply personal and profoundly important to me. I posted about my mother receiving the Rajshri Khote Guardian of Love Award — an award named after my aunt, Munni Pua (Rajshri Khote), who was a beacon of acceptance and strength for our community. She once opened her home to us when we were cast out of a public space, and for 20 years, her living room became a sanctuary of belonging, chai, samosas, and love. Without her, GayBombay would not have become what it is today.

And then came the trolls. Faceless, nameless, and petty. One of them wrote: “Now it’s like families awarding families.”

On the surface, this is trivial. A throwaway jab from a stranger. But I felt a surge of anger — not because the words wounded me, but because they reeked of vindictiveness. They belittled the very real sacrifices and the very real love my mother and aunt gave to me and to countless queer people.

Let’s be clear: these awards are my brainchild. They are not sponsored, not bought, not influenced. We, in GayBombay, have deliberately kept them free of corporate money precisely so that no one could control them via outside forces. Every awardee has been discussed, consented to, and chosen because of their contribution, not because of their connections. Yet still, the whispering starts. The backbiting. The Why him? Why not her? Why not me?

I even had someone — a person I deeply respect and care for — reach out to me, asking if I was recognising a certain “well-known” figure. Another person I love wholeheartedly suggested I do something along similar lines. But for me, these awards are not about playing a political game or duplicating existing hierarchies of fame. They are about honouring love, courage, and genuine support.

This does not mean that those who are visible or celebrated are excluded — far from it. Their contributions matter deeply, and they too have a place in this recognition. What I will not do, however, is allow the weight of a name or a reputation alone to dictate my choices. I refuse to betray the integrity of this moment simply to appease hearsay. Thankfully, both of them understood the spirit from which I was coming.

I was reminded of the darker machinations the Me Too movement laid bare — where power and malice conspired to keep women from what was rightfully theirs unless they submitted to unjust demands. At its core, it was about control. In its own way, the comment about nepotism felt similar: an attempt to push me, and GayBombay, into bending to someone else’s will. Yet I remain an idealist, and I know this is not ideal — not for me, nor for the community I belong to. For nearly three decades I’ve stood alongside the men I first knew as boys, and like Sister Sledge sang so long ago, “we are family” and “I’ve got all my sisters with me.” They know Munni Pua, they know me – because they are family.

So, let me remind those trolls and naysayers: without Munni Pua, there would have been no Sunday meets in a safe space. Without parents like my mother, there would have been no Pride marches where a parent walked beside her gay son. Without women like these, countless queer children and parents would never have had a space of dialogue and acceptance. And yet some would dare to sneer at “families awarding families.”

Yes — families who opened their doors. Families who stood against society. Families who loved without condition. Families who held this community together when it was just a fragile idea, not the thriving network it is today.

This is not about me. This is about legacy. It is about honouring those who truly guarded love when it was dangerous, inconvenient, and often thankless to do so. And if that makes some people uncomfortable, so be it.

For 27 years, GayBombay has built something beautiful. Without sponsors. Without permission. Without bending to anyone’s agenda. Organically. Honestly. With love. And that is precisely why the trolls hate it. Because it is something they cannot replicate — love that is freely given, relationships that are intricate and strong, a community that has survived and flourished without being sold out.

So yes, I am angry. I am angry at the smallness, the jealousy, the backbiting. I am angry at those who twist what is beautiful simply because they are incapable of building anything themselves. But I am also proud. Proud that we have done this. Proud that we continue to do this. Proud that our awards, like our community, are born of resilience and love, not vanity or sponsorship.

And to the trolls, the malcontents, the whisperers: fuck you. Fuck your jealousy. Fuck your spite. You cannot touch what is real. You cannot take away love that has been lived, given, and shared for decades.

Because love, in the end, wins. And the Rajshri Khote Guardian of Love Award is proof!

My Kids and Their Lessons

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

If you’ve followed my writings, you know that dogs are not simply pets to me — they are companions, teachers, and my children. Living with dogs has been one of the most grounding and transformative experiences of my life. They have walked beside me through loneliness and joy, through grief and laughter, and they have given me lessons that no classroom, book, or mentor could fully teach.

Dogs do not care about the masks we wear for the world. They don’t measure us by our successes or failures, our wealth, or our appearance. For them, love is in the moment — a wagging tail when you walk in the door, the nudge of a wet nose when you’re low, the quiet companionship when words fail. They have taught me that presence matters more than perfection. To truly be with someone — whether human or animal — is the most profound act of love.

Each of my dogs has carried their own story, sometimes marked with pain, abandonment, or fear before they came to me. And yet, I have never seen them give up on joy. They can be hurt and still trust again, neglected and still give love. Their resilience humbles me. They remind me that life can wound us, but bitterness is a choice — and forgiveness, often wordless, can set us free.

As adults, we often forget the simple grace of play. My dogs never do. Whether it’s chasing a ball, running wild in the park, or simply rolling on their backs in the grass, they remind me that joy is not frivolous; it is survival. To laugh, to move, to play is not just about fun — it is about keeping the spirit alive.

Dogs are perhaps the only beings who embody loyalty without condition. They don’t keep count of arguments or misunderstandings. They don’t hold grudges. Their loyalty is not bound by transaction — it is instinct, pure and unbreakable. In a world where human relationships can often fracture under strain, my dogs show me what steadfastness looks like.

Over the course of my life, I have lost four dogs. Each loss has carved a hollow that no words can truly fill. And once, I had to make the most unbearable decision — to end the suffering of the one I held dearest. It is in these moments that my dogs have taught me their most profound lesson: that life is fleeting, and it is made full not by grandeur but by the everyday.

Their short time on earth is a reminder to live in the present — to relish the mundane walk, the quiet nap, the silly game of fetch. Because in the end, only love matters. Only love sets us free. At the final breath, it isn’t the achievements or possessions that count, but the care and presence of those who hold you with love until the very end.

Life, I’ve learned through them, is cyclical. I lose one pup, and another finds its way to me. The poignancy and bitterness of death are inevitable, but so is the sunrise of another day. Their passing has taught me to embrace the paradox of grief and renewal — to know that endings are also beginnings, and that love carries forward even when bodies do not.

Perhaps the most unexpected gift has been this: my dogs have taught me to be gentler with myself. They don’t see my flaws as I see them; they don’t recoil at my scars. In their eyes, I am enough — worthy of affection, worthy of care. And slowly, through their gaze, I’ve learned to soften the harshness of my own.

My house literally, feels more alive because of them. Their presence fills corners with warmth, noise, chaos, and peace all at once. They make even the most ordinary days feel less lonely. For me, home is not about walls or possessions. It’s about the heartbeat at my feet, the bark at the door, the eyes that follow me room to room. Home is where they are.

Dogs have been my healers, my mirrors, and my greatest teachers. They have shown me that love is not complicated; it is given freely and without expectation. They have shown me that joy is found in the smallest gestures, and that resilience is written in the wag of a tail after a storm.

Most of all, they have shown me that life is both fleeting and eternal: fleeting in its moments, eternal in its love.

Who I Am: My Sun, Moon and Rising

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I was born on 28th May 1975, in suburban Mumbai at 11:18 in the morning. My Western chart’s three most telling placements are my Gemini Sun, Capricorn Moon, and Leo Rising. They describe how I think, how I feel, and how the world meets me — and together they feel like the truest shorthand for the life I’ve lived.

☀️ My Sun in Gemini — How I am at my core

At my core I am a communicator. Gemini gives me curiosity as a kind of hunger: for books, film, conversations and the small, sharp truths people carry. I make sense of the world by talking about it, writing about it, translating what’s messy into language. That impulse — to tell the truth of myself — is what made me come out early and live openly. My mind moves fast; I see life in fragments that I stitch into meaning.

That speed can also scatter me. I fall in love with ideas and people easily, and sometimes I have to remind myself that depth often takes time. Still, my voice is my anchor: saying what I mean, and meaning what I say, is how I stay whole.

🌙 My Moon in Capricorn — How I feel and need to feel safe

Emotionally I am Capricorn — reserved, steady, and responsible. Where Gemini speaks, Capricorn quietly does. I meet pain with discipline; I show care through reliability, not theatre. Growing up with the kind of father I had taught me very young that I had to be practical to survive. That lesson hardened into a protective instinct: I take on duties, I make people safe, I build order from chaos.

This Moon makes me cautious with my heart. I don’t spill feelings lightly; vulnerability feels risky. The upside is that when I commit, I commit deeply and sustainably. The downside is I can carry burdens alone, prefer to “fix” rather than ask to be held, and sometimes confuse duty for love. I’ve also learned that my responsibility can look like a saviour complex — I have to remind myself that helping shouldn’t come at the cost of my own well-being.

🌅 My Leo Rising — The face I wear to the world

The world meets me as Leo rising: warm, dignified, and creative. People notice me when I enter a room. It’s not vanity so much as presence — I like to make things beautiful, to perform, to dress, to dance, to put heart into how I show up. That outer radiance is a kind of invitation: come closer, I’m safe to love.

Leo rising also means I crave recognition. When I’m unseen by those I love, it hurts more than I let on. But my Capricorn Moon gives me the patience to keep giving anyway; my Gemini Sun finds the words to explain it. The result is a person who shines deliberately — not for applause, but so others feel allowed to shine too.

🌟 The whole picture — how the three work together

Gemini gives me voice and curiosity. Capricorn gives me steadiness, discipline and a protective streak. Leo gives me warmth and the courage to be seen. Put together, I am someone who speaks truth, builds safe spaces, and leads with heart. I show love by being practical and reliable; I speak love through stories, writing and conversation; I offer presence by being visible and generous with my creativity.

There’s a tension, certainly — between a Moon that guards and a Rising that wants notice — but that tension is also my strength. It keeps me honest, expressive and dependable all at once.

✨ For readers: what a Gemini Sun / Capricorn Moon / Leo Rising person is like

Quick with ideas and stories, but emotionally steady and discreet. Generous and warm in public, quietly dutiful in private. Shows love by doing: practical help, protection, consistency. Needs recognition and also privacy — respect both.

My chart says what I already live: I am here to speak my truth, to love with responsibility, and to shine without apology. That is how I choose to move through the world.