Hearts Still Care

In a conversation among friends at a recent gathering, the topic of relationships took center stage. As part of the LGBTQ+ community, we discussed the many ways in which we experience and interpret love and partnership. One particular theme that stood out was the diversity of relationships—ranging from monogamous to polyamorous, open, and asexual arrangements. This led me to reflect on how, historically and presently, human relationships are not one-size-fits-all, nor should they be. For those of us in the LGBTQ+ community, embracing relationship models outside heteronormative boundaries isn’t just personal; it’s also a form of resilience, autonomy, and freedom.

Historically, relationships have evolved alongside societal norms, yet they’ve rarely been as rigid as we might think. As sociologist Anthony Giddens has noted, “intimacy has undergone a transformation from an institutionally defined marriage model to a more personalized form of intimacy based on the principles of equality and self-realization.” This shift is particularly visible today, especially in LGBTQ+ circles, where relationships naturally push against traditional molds and emphasize diversity in partnership structures. However, embracing this fluidity doesn’t mean our relationships lack structure or purpose; rather, it underscores the power of choice and authenticity.

Polyamory, or the practice of engaging in multiple consensual and loving relationships, is one such model that challenges monogamy. Unlike traditional relationships, polyamory centers around the idea that love is not a limited resource. It requires, perhaps more than monogamy, deep levels of communication, respect, and honesty. In polyamorous relationships, all partners are aware of each other, and boundaries are established to maintain emotional wellbeing.

In mainstream society, polyamory is gaining attention. According to a 2020 study by Kinsey Institute researcher Dr. Justin Lehmiller, around 1 in 5 Americans have engaged in consensual non-monogamy at some point in their lives. This statistic reflects a growing acceptance and curiosity about alternative relationship models. Despite this, polyamory is often judged through a monogamous lens, which can make it difficult for those in polyamorous relationships to feel fully accepted. Many in the LGBTQ+ community have embraced polyamory as a means of finding and expressing love in ways that feel authentic, acknowledging that relationships are not confined to the binary of monogamy or celibacy.

For LGBTQ+ individuals, the added layer of heteronormative expectations can create significant pressure to conform to “acceptable” forms of relationships. Heteronormative models tend to uphold monogamy as the ideal and imply that any deviation from this structure is a threat to stability. However, as LGBTQ+ relationships inherently defy heteronormative standards, the community often explores diverse arrangements that align with individual values and lifestyles.

This diversity in relationships is vital to personal freedom, as sociologist John D’Emilio argued: “The capacity to choose and form intimate bonds according to individual desires…is a victory against the social script imposed by dominant norms.” This capacity is particularly empowering within the LGBTQ+ community, where members often need to carve out new paths to love and partnership due to a lack of societal role models that represent them.

Yet, as our discussion highlighted, the tendency to compare LGBTQ+ relationships to straight, monogamous relationships remains prevalent. This comparison can create an unnecessary hierarchy of relationships, implying that monogamous, heterosexual partnerships are the gold standard. Such comparisons are misguided because relationships, whether between heterosexual or same-sex couples, are deeply personal and shaped by individual personalities, lifestyles, and needs. Straight relationships themselves are varied, encompassing everything from strictly monogamous marriages to open marriages, indicating that diversity in relationship structure is not unique to the LGBTQ+ community.

The recognition that relationships differ fundamentally within human spheres emphasizes a central point: there is no universal “correct” way to engage in a relationship. We must resist the urge to place relationship structures on a hierarchy, particularly as doing so can invalidate or marginalize the choices of those who do not fit the mold. As philosopher Michel Foucault famously said, “where there is power, there is resistance,” and the diversity of relationships within the LGBTQ+ community reflects a resistance to the power of societal norms.

The world today is shifting toward a more inclusive understanding of relationships. From growing visibility of polyamorous and open relationships to legal recognition of non-traditional unions, society is gradually moving toward a broader acceptance of varied relationship forms. Still, a long road lies ahead in terms of full acceptance. This journey, however, begins with understanding and respect for each individual’s relationship choices.

In essence, relationships are as varied as the individuals who create them. The LGBTQ+ community, with its unique perspectives on love and partnership, offers a vibrant example of how diverse, autonomous relationships can thrive. Embracing these differences enriches our understanding of human connection and reminds us that love is boundless—transcending labels, societal norms, and any one-size-fits-all standard. In doing so, we affirm that all relationships, regardless of structure, hold their own beauty, dignity, and worth.