“If I seem sad do not bother to stop by”

David Boyd's Betrayal

If I seem sad do not bother to stop by
And ask if things are awry,
Just walk on and I shall be fine
It’s just another phase of mine.

(I think too much that’s the thing,
Or maybe it’s an excess of feeling.
Perhaps love has caused me grief
Or a friend has shred my belief.
I set a lot of score in both
And both have me at the throat.)

But you stop and question these tears of mine,
And ask who has cut me this time.
You are not my lover and I refuse to say
What makes me act this way.
Instead, clutching my bloody throat, I walk away
And you realize what happened today,
Since on your shoulder I do not depend,
The wound was caused by some old friend.

Oh, Stranger-Like-Me.

I wonder many times, oh-stranger-like-me,
Of how it would be
If you perhaps come across these lines
And smile (or perhaps shed a tear) and think
This heart’s so much like me.
If I would write of how love passed me by –
And you would not question why
I was thinking of throwing myself to the ground
From the terrace of a building.
If I would mention how love returns –
And yet incessantly burns,
With a sharpness and sting
That makes all wonder on the need of this thing.
Would you, stranger-like-me, think of this?
Have you hoped for immortal bliss
And settled for earthly disillusionment?
A neglectful youth arising from abuse –
Of what I have gained and what I shall lose?
Do you – would you – have any reckoning?
I have loved again and now I find
That love alone can torture the mind;
By the lack of words or a stronger voice,
Have you ever had the pressure of choice?
Have you ever thought he never wrote back?
What didn’t I give? What did I lack?
Now, I have loved again. Do you think:
What if it all passes again in vain…?
Then did you scowl and write
In your way of scribbling down black on white,
That being held by some one once again
Is worth so much of all this pain?
If you do feel even the slightest bit
Of the emotions my heart knits…
Know also, stranger-like-me,
I write for eternity.

1:30am
14th February.

For a Presence in the Darkness of This Night.

I stumbled and fell
There seemed to be a light ahead
But I could not see clearly
I tried to rise but slipped instead
And fell. There was pain
And the darkness of it matched
The darkness all around me.
I had felt a presence
Some time ago
Which coaxed me to get up and move on
Oh! Wish it had stayed!
But I can’t feel it anymore
The light ahead –
Is it a light?
I cannot tell.
Is it what I want?
What if that light
Is darker than this hell?
How do I know?
Should I get up and move
And chance my luck on that light?
Or do I sit and wait
For a presence in the darkness of this night?

1:30am
9th October.