Sacrifice

I think of the pain in the world today.

Somewhere, an animal is afraid.

Its eyes wide, its breath shallow, its fate sealed by hands it cannot escape.

I cannot see it.

I feel it.

And though I cannot stop every blade,

I will not close my heart.

Let this ache in my chest not drown me, but deepen me.

Let me not be paralysed by what I cannot fix, but be guided by what I can love.

Today, I hold my dogs close — their warmth, their trust, their unspoken joy.

And I send that love outward.

I am not a saint.

I am not without contradictions.

I light a quiet candle in my heart.

Not one of outrage,

but of feeling.

J. K. Umbridge

There was a time when J.K. Rowling’s stories brought magic to the margins. For queer children growing up with shame and silence, Harry Potter was a refuge—a space of chosen families, secret selves, and bravery in the face of oppression. It told us, you’re different, but you still belong. It’s no exaggeration to say that many of us who had no voice felt seen, at last, in the enchanted halls of Hogwarts.

But today, Rowling’s words no longer comfort. They wound.

Her ongoing transphobic statements—dressed up in the language of “women’s rights”—have revealed a far darker truth: she was never the ally we thought she was. Worse still, she has become a public voice for a brand of feminism that excludes, marginalises, and endangers transgender people under the guise of concern for women.

Let’s be clear: the rights of women have always been undermined by patriarchy, by systemic misogyny, by male entitlement—not by trans women, and certainly not by the non-binary or trans men who are also often victims of the same systems. If anything, trans people have expanded and redefined the fight for liberation in ways that include all genders, not just the cisgender ones.

So when people in my circle argue that Rowling is “just defending women’s rights,” I ask: whose rights? And at whose expense?

In her 2019 tweet, she stated, “sex is real”. This assertion reduces womanhood to mere biology, ignoring the complex interplay of identity, experience, and self-perception. Gender identity is deeply personal, and recognising trans women as women affirms their lived realities.

For years, Rowling played the part of the progressive creator. She claimed Dumbledore was gay, but only after the books were published. She gave us representation—but only in hindsight, when it was safe. As if queerness was something to be inserted quietly into footnotes, not loudly into the pages where it could have mattered most.

Even then, Dumbledore—despite being a deeply complex character—was never given the moral clarity of someone like Remus Lupin or even Snape. His queerness remained vague, almost decorative, and ultimately irrelevant to the plot. And let’s not forget: this is the man who raised a child, Harry, to be a sacrificial lamb. Beautifully written, yes. But morally ambiguous at best.

Rowling’s retrospective inclusivity was never about visibility—it was about vanity. She wanted the credit of a progressive author without taking the risks of being one. And now that she has nothing left to lose, her true colours emerge.

If Voldemort was openly evil, Umbridge was worse—because she believed she was doing good. She was obsessed with rules, appearances, and “what’s right.” But beneath the pink cardigans and kitten plates was the face of quiet tyranny.

And in that regard, Rowling has become her own creation.

Unlike Voldemort, who never pretended to be benevolent, Rowling now positions herself as a moral crusader. She lectures about biology and womanhood, seemingly oblivious—or wilfully ignorant—of the harm she causes. Her essays, tweets, and statements have become a rallying point for others who use “free speech” and “women’s safety” as a smokescreen for transphobia.

Let us remember: moral superiority is not morality. It is often its counterfeit.

Trans women are not the threat to women’s rights. Straight cis men in power always have been. That’s the history of patriarchy. And it is baffling—no, infuriating—to see someone who ought to understand otherness turning against it.

There’s no credible evidence suggesting that trans women pose a danger in women’s spaces. Such claims often stem from fear-mongering rather than fact. In reality, trans women frequently face heightened risks of violence and discrimination.

The discomfort some express towards trans women often roots back to societal misogyny. The idea that someone assigned male at birth would “choose” to become a woman challenges patriarchal notions of male superiority. This bias underscores the importance of challenging gender hierarchies and promoting inclusivity.

I must also note: Within the gay community, there’s a tendency to valorise “tops” over “bottoms,” reflecting broader societal devaluation of femininity. Somehow, the act of penetration becomes macho and the act of being submissive is looked upon as womanly. This dynamic perpetuates harmful stereotypes and reinforces gendered power imbalances. It’s crucial to challenge these notions and promote a culture of respect and equality, where individuals are valued for their authentic selves, free from judgment or hierarchy.

Rowling has, in many ways, become the very thing she wrote against. She taught us to question unjust systems, to fight bigotry, to believe that love and friendship triumph over fear. But now she undermines that legacy, positioning herself as the arbiter of who gets to be called a woman, and who does not.

That’s not feminism. That’s gatekeeping.

Many public figures have called out Rowling’s stance. Daniel Radcliffe, who owes his career to her world, wrote in 2020.

“Transgender women are women. Any statement to the contrary erases the identity and dignity of transgender people.”

Emma Watson was equally clear:

“Trans people are who they say they are and deserve to live their lives without being constantly questioned.”

When even the stars of your own universe have to publicly distance themselves from you, perhaps it’s time to reconsider your legacy.

On the other hand, J.K. Rowling has been vocal in her criticism of Donald Trump, particularly concerning his attitudes towards women. However, recent developments indicate a shift. Following Trump’s executive order that restricts the definition of gender to biological sex, Rowling expressed support, attributing the move to what she perceives as the Left’s overreach in gender identity politics.

This alignment is glaring, especially considering Trump’s history of allegations related to sexual misconduct. Rowling’s support for policies championed by such a figure raises questions about the consistency of her advocacy for women’s rights.

I, for one, refuse to be fooled by her narrative. But I have been someone who stood in line at the Harry Potter book releases. Stayed in theatres on release days, watching the same movie back to back for three shows!

So for me and most of us “Potterheads”, letting go of Rowling has felt like grief. But we do it not because we want to cancel her, but because she cancelled us first. She cancelled the belief that her stories were safe places. She cancelled the hope that the person behind the pen believed in the magic she wrote.

She may have written the books—but we built the community. And we will continue to fight for love, dignity, and inclusion, with or without her.

Because unlike Umbridge, we know that rules without compassion are not justice.

They are just cruelty with a clipboard.

Support Structures

As I stand at the cusp of my fifties, I find myself reflecting on the arc of relationships that have shaped me: the people I’ve grown up with, the ones I’ve grown beside, those I’ve grown distant from, and those I continue to grow with. Most of them have been friends, some family, all deeply woven into the fabric of who I am. Because I’ve always loved with the entirety of myself.

For the longest time, I used to be devastated when relationships fell apart. I took every loss as a personal failure—proof that something in me had failed to be worthy of the love I so readily gave. But with time—and a great deal of heartbreak—I’ve come to see it differently. Now I know: I did the best I could. And so did they. No one is to blame. Life simply moved us in different directions.

Last year, I lost a 32-year-old friendship. It hurt, yes. But I don’t regret it. I stood up for who I am, for what I believe in, and I realised that I was not being treated with the respect I offered so freely. I had accepted my friend entirely, even her flaws. But she couldn’t meet me where I was. That wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t even hers. She simply wasn’t equipped to hold what I was bringing to the table.

Today, another moment came—and passed. An altercation with my partner, Anand, someone I’ve spent 25 years of my life with. We’ve seen some truly destructive storms together and somehow, we’ve always found our way back. Today was no different. He left. I felt the ache, but I didn’t crumble. Because here’s what I’ve learned: the things we believe will destroy us rarely do. The will to survive, to mend, to continue, is always stronger.

I saw it in myself. But I saw something younger in my family. As they watched the disagreement unfold, they became emotional, scattered, concerned not just for me but for him as well. That mattered. What is more important t o note: My family stood by not just me, but the man I love. And in that moment, I saw something I never expected to: the social scaffolding we so often deny queer people in this world—support—had quietly, finally, taken shape around me.

Even my other partner, (I am one in a throuple) asked me to call Anand. And I did. Not out of guilt or obligation, but because I knew there had been no malice in me, no cruelty and I wanted their anxiety to abate. What had occurred was a light-hearted joke misread, so I told Anand to come back if he believed in the word I gave him. And he did.

But it’s not just about that trivial argument. What moved me was everyone who stood by me and said: bring him back home. That’s what mattered. That home is not a place—it’s a choice people make, together, for one another.

In this Pride Month, I want to say this: queer relationships are not made of fairy dust and rebellion. They’re made of daily effort, missteps, recovery, repair. And while straight couples often have the privilege of familial support—two clans coming together to protect the sanctity of their union—queer couples are often left to navigate that terrain alone. When something goes wrong, it’s just the two of us, lost in a storm we’re often too young to steer through.

I see that now. At 50, I have an ingrained emotional sustenance I didn’t have in my twenties or thirties. Now I don’t need my family’s support. But standing slightly apart, observing with a kind of fourth-dimensional wisdom, I realise how rare and necessary it is that they choose to give it anyway.

That’s the heart of this. I’ve become my own person. I no longer need people to feel whole. But I choose them. That’s the truest form of intimacy, of maturity: to choose someone not from need, but from selfhood.

And to anyone reading this during Pride Month: remember that queer love thrives not just on passion, but on structure. On support. On society showing up for us the way it so readily does for others. When a queer couple falters, we too deserve a circle that rallies and restores, that says: bring him back home.