Reparation

I was done with the men;
I’d have kissed just you;
There were truths I meant
That I could make untrue;
The promises given,
I would keep every one –
And for you I’d have kept
Vigils under an unforgiving sun.
But you betrayed my love
And gave up on our time –
You took back what was yours
And left me nothing of mine.

I was done and now i’m back
I recall the hurt you spoke –
I make no apologies,
As I begin to repair
All that you broke.
I despair,
But I cope, and rise –
I cry; but I also know
Every tear dries –

When you go out
And search for your joy,
Fate shall keep a tab
On all you destroy.
Remember, as you live,
Life’s lessons are fires
That end up burning
Consummate liars.

Fall

The triggers are all there
the panic
the horror
the climbing onto a plane’s wheels
thinking you are leaving behind death
and as you ascend
wind buffets you
like life screaming at you
NO
NO
NO
this is not for you
and then
then
the retraction happens
the wind pulls at you
and your fingers rip out
you hardly feel the pain
as you are lifted off
and the freedom you feel
is momentary
the fall is endless
back to the death
the world pushed on to you

Questions

What bitter truths am I made of?
What lessons have I not learnt?
What deceits lie unfulfilled?
What part of me hasn’t yet burnt?

I have not wept every tear;
I know nothing of tomorrow;
I keep meeting handsome strangers,
Hoping for lesser sorrow.

What terror lies in wait?
Have I spent all my shame?
What wounds must I yet bear
To continue this horrid game?

Questions like these are dull;
Answers for these seem lost…
I guess, if they are ever found,
I’d have well borne their cost…