Category: Written in 2020

I Stop

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

Each time, I sleep,
I wake –
Having dreamt of you,
Smiling,
Sharing,
Caring,
Fighting.
I stop sleeping.

I do my work,
Think of how you helped
And encouraged.
I stop work.

I rearrange clothes
And find a pair of your socks
You forgot behind.
They are black,
With white hearts on them.
I stop rearranging.

I go for a bath
To soothe my body.
Look at your shelves
Filled with shampoos and creams,
Two toothbrushes, bent and bristly
And I want to throw them out.
Instead –
I stop bathing.

I go onto social media
And the first thing I check
Are your profiles…
I smile at the picture of a pizza you posted,
Wonder, if you ever check my feed,
And wonder at my smile.
I stop smiling.

I sit with my family
To talk about life.
Each one who loves you
Talk of what happened,
They wonder and they rage.
I stop talking.

Night falls and I dread
Lying down in bed.
I feel trapped and choke.
I cry.
Eventually,
I nod off…
…to dream.
I stop sleeping.

Dreams

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

My dreams these days are only of you.

I feel you in them.

I smile –
Then I wake!
The sense of your loss overpowers me!
Sleep a casual acquaintance
Is now an enemy –
I don’t wish to sleep anymore!

The night scares me!

You were in my arms
Through the journeying
of the stars –
Now they explode –
And plummet toward me.

I want to reach you!

But I am now terrified –
Of those stars –
Of the night –
Of my dreams –
And of you.

Caged

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

I welcomed you into my life,
When I was whole and strong;
I disclosed all of my strife;
You vowed you would belong.

You were privy to each moment;
All my loved ones knew you:
For I fought to make it just so:
How else could we be true?

But I have never known your home,
For you had no real say,
I have walked around your life –
In mine, I built your way.

After you’ve left, door ajar,
Drawers empty, faith torn,
You did not leave just me, my love,
You left a family forlorn.

Each wound I laid down before you,
Back when you wanted me;
You slept, baked, loved, lived, in these walls,
They probe now, seeking clarity.

Everyone I brought to you,
Now question, grieve and rage –
With each talk, I relive your loss –
It cannot fade, for it does not age.

Your life has none who know me,
Not even the lone sibling,
Whose time I chose to ask for,
Whose voice you sought to bring…

No one speaks for me, before you;
But I speak with many each day;
They cry, when I cry, having known you;
Each wish to have their say.

I gave you what you did not have,
I gave you them, I gave you me,
Perhaps you never thought it so
And caged me, thinking yourself free.