Category: Written in 2020

I remember, I must

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

I remember the gold hair in your beard,
As the loss descends, much as I feared.
The eyes grandmother warned me to avoid
Have bored, into my heart, an endless void.

I remember how hair curled on your neck,
How, when you fought, a tiny spittle-speck,
Frothed, and formed strings, between your soft lips –
The void shifts. Tears threaten. My breath dips.

I haven’t eaten a mango this season –
Will strawberries hold you back for treason?
I would look for you when you’d gone too far,
How I would instruct you to drive the car,
I pick up the phone to wish you good night –
But you’ve kept your silence and killed this right.

I remember your leg‘s weight when we slept,
I remember the promises we kept.
I remember your warm hand holding mine,
Through each movie, every single time.

I remember you wiping my tears dry
And I wonder how you have let me cry…

The kids miss you. (Remember my daughter?)
They have passed for you, like dirty water.

I’m mad at you. I’m pining. I am lost.
If I’ve hurt you, is this truly the cost?
Because I loved the way you felt and thought,
I‘ll always remember, but you forgot.

Though, through this caravan of memory,
I‘ve seen us through paths you will never see,
You’ve forsaken me in a place I know,
Love will hold fast; but I must let you go.

I Couldn’t Keep You Happy

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

I could not keep you happy all the time.
(You could not do the same for me, too.)
But I gave you every thing that was mine –
All of my hopes and smiles I shared with you

Who stays happy all the time in love? (I ask.)
I’ve been in love before and I’ve made it last.
Making true love live is an easy task:
It predicts the future; learns from the past.

I didn’t keep you happy not all the time –
But you made choices through all of our fights!
There were many smiles (which u now decline)!
I made you family, I gave you equal rights!

I have my faults and, yes, you have your own –
So why am I the only one to blame?
Why must I alone be left to atone,
When you have forsaken our very names?

It takes two to tango, here, three could dance;
I was willing to share with you progress
But you resolved not to give us a chance
And succumbed to finally regress.

Love for me doesn’t alter with hours and weeks.
Sex may dwindle, but that’s never the end;
Now I have nightmares. A woken fear speaks:
‘All he ever did with you was pretend.’

Regret

Published on by Harpreet ChhachhiaLeave a comment

People come into my life
And they say they love
And then they take parts of me away
They take away favourite things of mine
Things I share with them
A movie I loved but now cannot watch
Because we bonded with it
A month I adored
By now I don’t because of a birthday
Sweets that craved
But now I can’t because I cannot bake
With him, of him, by him.
Small parts of my innards
Wound against a stick and pulled out
Slowly.
I have also begun self hate
Why would I not have the balls
To move on?
What makes my heart the way
It made my dad keep hammering me
Through childhood and teens.
Be a man.
Be strong.
Don’t be a pussy.
Son of a bitch.
You got shit in your head.
And here I am –
Being everything opposite.
Now I don’t do it with pride.
Pride’s gone.
Love has torn it apart.
It’s like you don’t want me
I don’t make you happy
But I’m willing to bend over
Backwards.
My father would have been so proud.
I’m not.
But there’ll come a time
When your own sense of political correctness
Will make you realise
You did a wrong.
You may not have taken a belt to me.
Just a slap. Long ago.
And I took it.
And I still wanted you.
Like I wanted my father to love me.
But I wanted a lover.
And you were crueller.
With dad, I knew he hated me. He left.
You loved me, you said.
You held me and said I promise.
And then, you decided for yourself.
And you left.
And you took my favourite things away.
And left me with regret
Something
Even my father could never make me do.