Help

Today is Guru Nanak Jayanti. Today I burst into tears like I haven’t done in a while. I lost my faith in Divine Providence, a long time ago. But this isn’t why I cried. On my way back home, from a walk with the kids, I saw an old dog, lying prone near the gate of my building. I thought it was dead. But on a closer look, it wasn’t. it was just fast fast asleep, almost unconscious. On speaking to it, she got up with a start. She is very old. She was blind in one eye, and she staggered and got up. I told her I would be right back.

I took the kids up, because I cannot stay anywhere near another dog while Zach and Xena are with me and I came down promptly with food and water for this old girl. When I got back down with some kibble and water, she was sitting again but got up diligently. Almost as though she was waiting for some help to come his way. She looked like life had beaten her up and chewed her out. Humans must not have quite helped, because as she ate, I noticed that she had a wound on his left knee. It gaped. I could see bone.

I cried then. Standing there on the road. While she ate and drank a whole bottle of water. I had to move away because the other stray dog who stays near our building was inching closer and she was growling at her. So I sustained her and told her to leave the old girl be. She seemed to realise what I was saying and sat down. Pawing at me to pet her and I did.

As I walked back with an empty bottle of water in my hands I felt helpless… my partner’s words rolled in my head, ‘if we take her to Ahimsa, we don’t know what they will do to her. Maybe prolong her suffering? We can, if you want to.’ And at such moments my heart and mind revolted. I had taken a cat I had rescued to Ahimsa, a few years back. They said they would help. As I was on my way back they called and said that it had died. I had kept my third dog, with Parel hospital, for five days, his condition worsened, despite our constantly being there and by the fifth day he breathed his last. I took my fourth dog, suffering from DM and bladder stone problems, and they refused to treat her without us admitting her first. When we didn’t and asked them to help her as an out-patient, they inserted a metal catheter in her vagina and by morning I had to make one of the worst decisions of my life.

The long and short of this is: I don’t know who to turn to in matters like this. I cannot bring the girl home because my kids won’t be manageable and my girl is suffering from a spine problem and we are taking her to a neurologist tomorrow… when it rains, it pours. It is Guru Nanak Jayanti and I forsook Divine Providence a long time ago. And when there is no hope left in the divine, there really is nothing to do but count on your own self. So, I put out the word on social media.

But this fecund feeling of being helpless and not knowing where to go at 3AM is convulsive. There are these moments in life. As a child, I watched the stray puppy I rescued and helped grow into a lovely girl, Diana, being taken away by the BMC. I watched my grandmother hooked onto life support. I watched her lungs convulse. I watched Rolfe suffer at Parel and then lashed out at the doctors for being so fucking negligent and carted him away. And I watched Zoe suffer but I knew what I had to do – and I put her to sleep. I gave her the rest she needed. And I cried. These things weigh on you. they make you understand the horror of life and the complete chaos that surrounds it. Emotions tear you from within and the mind sets a noose on them.

I wish I could be clinical: Watch animals killed in labs. Orcas turn mad in swimming pools. Elephants shot through their heads. Wars fought. People killing each other for land, ideas on right and wrong, what god is or what he is not. I wish I could shrug it off and say, it matters not. This is life, this is the cycle of it. But I cannot. I am a part of this world. I am alive now. I fed this poor, old, miserable, wounded animal. I quenched its thirst. But is it enough? I am caught – between my need to do something more and my helplessness in trying to do so.

An update: 15th November, 2019

Aban, another animal lover on a whatsapp group, mentioned that she got news of the injured, old girl, last night. Some girl called Loretta had discovered her at D N Nagar Police Station. Aban called me at 10 and Anand and I left immediately with the bag we had kept packed. I have been hunting for her in our area but the girl had reached D N Nagar.

I picked up Aban and we went to see her. Loretta had fed and watered her but she had been starving and was very thirsty. Seeing all of us she panicked and walked away and I had taken a leash and aban had too. So, we got her leashed but she became terrified and aggressive. We had to tie her mouth down. She just didn’t understand what was happening and it was so damn dark there… these BMC people keep shutting down all the street lights!

I took her over to a gate which had some light and Aban cut her nails and I put some spray on her wound and the gotbac powder. I had taken wet food and put some antibiotics in it but she didn’t touch it after we released her. She would not even have water. She does get attacked by dogs of the area and she is so scared. We followed her via the ymca road and back towards Westside full circle. She kept walk away the moment we approached…

Aban said that we should take her to Ahimsa. I don’t think it’s a very good idea. But I have told Aban that if she needs us again to just call. Seeing her again has upset me but not so much now, because I realise there are people out there who do care. I have given up on the human race and when strangers are kind, I am shocked and awed.

And since we cant not talk of her without a name… thinking of calling her Bell – it means Brave in Sindarin.

You, in Mid-air

Love has a way of becoming comfortable. When it becomes comfortable, it gets lazy. It rests on the couch and it watches movies. It feeds you pastries and chocolates. It shields you from the world outside. Friends either follow you into this haven, or they shun you to maintain their independent lifestyles. No one can really say which friend is doing the right thing.

Life is a series of phases. You get the sad phases, the happy phases, the quiet phases, the combustive phases. Love can bring in an amalgamation of all. Though eventually love becomes comfortable. But I have already said that. Of course, as I also said that life is a phase and with it, love adapts, too.

Isn’t it rich?
Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground,
You in mid-air,
Where are the clowns?

Sometimes, the dynamic of the relationship changes. Someone in love realizes his sense of duty. Sometimes, it so happens that being comfortable isn’t what a lover wants. Like the independent friends, the mind exerts control over the heart and one wants to hit the gym, pursue further studies, spend more time on himself or herself, regain a certain independence, appreciate the inner spirit.

Isn’t it bliss?
Don’t you approve?
One who keeps tearing around,
One who can’t move,
Where are the clowns?
There ought to be clowns…

So love is shaken off from the couch. The movies end. The parties become strictly a weekend thing. Food, duty, studies, jobs, family and the independent friends are looked on with greater priority. It all varies naturally. Lifestyles don’t necessarily remain the same. Promises cannot always follow a strict path (a fact which is again highly debatable: people make vows before what they consider to be God and then they go and get the messiest divorces).

Just when I’d stopped opening doors,
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours
Making my entrance again with my usual flair
Sure of my lines
No one is there

Everything is fair. It happens. Everyone should be given their space to be. Definitions of ‘I love you’ and ‘I am no longer in love with you’ and ‘I love you but I do not like you’ and ‘I love you, but…’ begin to take shape. The tragedy happens when there used to be two on a couch and then there is just one.

Don’t you love farce?
My fault, I fear
I thought that you’d want what I want
Sorry, my dear!
But where are the clowns?
Send in the clowns…
Don’t bother, they’re here.

Life doesn’t follow the same speed for everyone involved in relationships. The other is then supposed to be supportive. Supposed to understand. Supposed to be as mature as the other has now become. Growing up and out should happen simultaneously – in an ideal world. But we do not live in an ideal world now, do we? Ergo, one gets left behind. One changes the rules of the game. One breaks the pact. One says he will return, but he never does and the other chooses the path of least resistance. At times, both resist and the link shatters.

Isn’t it rich?
Isn’t it queer?
Losing my timing this late in my career
But where are the clowns?
There ought to be clowns…
Well, maybe next year…

 

“On Killing a Tree”

There is nothing I can say that hasn’t already been said by both sides of the argument. A station for metro cars needed to be made. The government wanted to cut down 2,500 trees of a forested area to build it. The environmentalists wanted the land protected. They took it to court. The court ruled in the favour of the government. The corporations in charge disregarded the fifteen-day wait period after the verdict and in the dead of night began cutting the trees down. The protests started immediately. The retaliation started immediately. Laws were disregarded and people were gagged. The matter escalated and the Supreme Court now is involved and will set precedent, within six hours.

I pause here. Because I have much to say, but I know it will not be heard. I have much to discuss, but discussions are moot. I will, though, write in what I feel.

When the trees slept, they were cut down. In the larger scheme of things, every industrial revolution has happened with the greens being cut down and machinery imposed to help humanity progress. It happened earlier in all first world countries. Forests were brought down for various reasons, the predominant one was agriculture. Then it was industry. Science sits on the periphery of this classic argument. It cannot move against progress, but statistics have it that most cures and medicines prevail within the forests of the world. Of course, the vested interests pharmas have are moot, for obvious deductions.

Ever since I was a child, I have loved watching shows on the natural world. My dream destination is Kenya. I would like to watch the annual migration of the wildebeest from the Masai to the Serengeti or vice versa. I think watching millions of animals move in unison, answering a call of nature, that even they don’t know exists, but feel, would be something spectacular to witness. I have watched David Attenborough talk about the minutest lifeform to the most dynamic, in our world. Over the decades I have seen the wild deteriorate and some wildlife go extinct. In my lifetime, I know of the Saudi Gazelle, Père David’s Deer and the Scimitar oryx that have gone extinct in the wild. We already know the battle tigers face to survive and I won’t even get into the fabulous victories of trophy hunting.

I am not against progress. I think of myself as an urban human and I don’t do well with the thought of being in the wilderness. This is how I was raised and I find comfort in urban structures. That being said, I do not find myself to be a proponent of progress for progress’ sake. Just because a thing can be done, it shouldn’t be done without thinking of the end. I think the most important thing that humanity must do is keep a check on how fast we reproduce. It is basic common sense. Our planet has limited resources and those resources need to be taken care of. As such, we all, each and everyone of us, have a duty to think about how far we can place a burden on our planet. We need to stop being selfish.

Mumbai is one of the fastest growing urban cities. It has a population of 22.5 million human souls. The transport systems of the city are clogged with teeming masses of people. Traffic has surged and peak hour travel seems daunting to the bravest heart. In the midst of all this burgeoning life, we have a national park that spans about 87 square kilometres that hosts Buddhist caves, two lakes and is home to a number of endangered species of flora and fauna. The forest area of the park houses over 1,000 plant species, 251 species of migratory, land and water birds, 50,000 species of insects and 40 species of mammals. In addition, the park also provides shelter to 38 species of reptiles, 9 species of amphibians, 150 species of butterflies and a large variety of fish. Did you know there is a species of moth in this forest that is as big as a sparrow?!

That being said, the current point of dispute is the Aarey area which spans across three thousand one hundred and sixty-six acres of land in the south-western borders of the park. The land here is needed to create a shed for the metro cars of the newly emerging western line. If one thinks about it negligibly, the cost of 2500 trees seems a mere pittance for the sake of development. But there are two valid points to further think about. Firstly, what is to stop more of the trees being cut down eventually, because progress doesn’t have a tendency to stop. And arguments for development are always keen. Secondly, someone on twitter said this and it stuck in my mind: ‘a station or a shed can be moved, a forest cannot’ – despite all the assurances of political parties that the same number of saplings will be planted elsewhere in the city, it seems like a poor consolation.

Here are full grown trees being hewed down. The area in Mumbai happens to be termed a green lung of the city. The amount of help the trees would bring now cannot be compared to what the new saplings will bring by the time they grow. It roughly takes a tree 10 – 30 years to reach full maturity. The other arguments thrown around is the amount of pollution that a metro line will help in decreasing. However, one should take into consideration that the protesters are not against the rise of the metro, but against the cutting down of the trees. One doesn’t necessarily have to weed out the other. There are always other places to be found and could have been – if adequate importance was given to nature.

That is the grouse that should be most important. That we do not think of natural resources as a sustainable backbone to prevent a natural calamity. The accusation I hear is that trees matter more than human beings to people like I. The question I would like to ask is why does nature matter so less to people? We think too little of groundwater reserves. We bring down green cover that promotes better atmospheric temperatures. We abuse the use of plastic and its availability. While reading Tolkien as a growing teenager, I remember the sorrow of Treebeard. He quietly states, “Side? I am on nobody’s side, because nobody is on my side…” The trees continue to fall. And if we, like Pippin, think that this will not affect us in the long run, that we shall be safe in our homes, when the day of reckoning comes, we but have to heed Merry’s words in retaliation. “The fires of Isengard will spread, and the forests of Tuckborough and Buckland will burn. And all that was once great and good in this world will be gone. There won’t be a Shire, Pippin.”

Finally, I would like to end with a poem, I, as an English teacher, used to teach high school students as part of their curriculum. I wonder how many actually remember this enough to have learnt from it.

On Killing a Tree, by Gieve Patel

It takes much time to kill a tree,
Not a simple jab of the knife
Will do it. It has grown
Slowly consuming the earth,
Rising out of it, feeding
Upon its crust, absorbing
Years of sunlight, air, water,
And out of its leperous hide
Sprouting leaves.

So hack and chop
But this alone wont do it.
Not so much pain will do it.
The bleeding bark will heal
And from close to the ground
Will rise curled green twigs,
Miniature boughs
Which if unchecked will expand again
To former size.

No,
The root is to be pulled out –
Out of the anchoring earth;
It is to be roped, tied,
And pulled out – snapped out
Or pulled out entirely,
Out from the earth-cave,
And the strength of the tree exposed,
The source, white and wet,
The most sensitive, hidden
For years inside the earth.

Then the matter
Of scorching and choking
In sun and air,
Browning, hardening,
Twisting, withering,
And then it is done.