I was chatting with Venkatesh about a good many things tonight. In fact, I have been having these discussions on looks and cleverness. I have so many issues about my body image and I have always felt that I look like shite. I know – intelligence be the cause – that I am good looking over all. But somehow I don’t believe in it.
He said that that was true and that he believes in the fact that I am good looking – but hell, I do not. It comes to the point that the power of belief should lie within us. It is only that which makes us self sufficient and strong enough to tackle the world. The power resides in me. either I make myself powerful or I give someone else the power.
Making myself powerful just is a win win situation. If I believe I am good looking enough I wont need the assurance of someone outside of me. And if I give someone else the power to judge me I wont ever be happy with the way that I look and I shall always be dependent on the likes and judgements of the Other. Which is like, really sad!
I just realised that eventually it just means that you need to be self-sufficient at any cost. And if you cannot be self-sufficient then you have to depend upon love. For what is love? It just is the giving up of your power into the hands of another. It asks for justification from the other and if you can love yourself that is the ultimate thing, isn’t it? You wouldn’t need anyone else.
Either way, we are fucked. That is like, pathetic!
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