A lot of things are going on in my head lately. We just shifted into Savera. I miss Raj Mahal immensely. I didn’t realise I would miss it this much. It is also not because Zoe died there. That is part of it, of course. But I think it has to do with the home itself. It was like a vacation home that was my own home. The immense sky outside the balcony, the light in the hall. The memories I made there. It was a home that Geeta and I created. Together. We made the home a pretty one.

 

Even though mom was diagnosed with cancer there, and Zoe died there, and I found out about Anand’s infidelity, I became my own guy there. I started taking care of myself there and I found myself there. I worked out, I looked good, and I came into the world knowing that I was good enough.

 

Here I feel as though I have regressed in some way. It reminds me of Amrut-tara. I need to make this home have my essence. I feel as though I am missing here. Maybe it will take some time.

 

Looking at a different side, I don’t have to worry about the rent issue. But there are other issues that I have to deal with here. The kids seem aimless. The road outside is congested with traffic. There are no quiet places to take them for a walk … I had an altercation with bua already, and then immediately after with Anand. I keep having arguments with mom.

 

I am hoping it is a passing thing, a getting used to phase.