If I had the guts
I’d take a razor to my vein,
Or jump. Or walk before
A western railways train.
Nothing grand to meet death.
He would be the only friend
That I could trust
To meet me at the very end.
There is nothing really about life
That makes me want to live.
All it does is take,
All I do is give.
Well, not you, perhaps.
Perhaps it’s just me.
That would be the reason
To die, you see.
Life isn’t hard.
It teaches you to stop lying.
I wonder why then
They prevent you to stop trying.
Maybe it’s for selfish reasons.
But i’m not living to live,
Or to view the change in seasons.
If there is nothing left
To look forward to,
And you are done,
With all you had to say and do,
There’s no need to live on,
And marvel at the setting sun,
Or think of age and sex and love,
And pay for a treadmill to run.
There will be tomorrows,
There will be new beginnings,
There will be joy,
There will be sorrows.
I won’t begrudge that;
But I’ve had my share of fun;
And I feel it’s time.
I feel I am done.
Hearts Still Care 
I feel the same , but as, you said, life isn’t hard. And ,it doesn’t take guts to commit suicide. It takes a mountain load of oppression to take the final step.
I am disillusioned with what i wanted in life and how it actually turned out to be. However, Unlike you, i feel perpetually guilty. I biggest regret is i could have done more. In your case, it’s the exact opposite. You went through a lot and despite that you seem to have tried every possible permutation to make things work.
And yet, in the end we are both feeling dejected.
I feel guilty and dejected.
You feel dejected and that life is pointless .
What do the people who are happy with their lives know that we don’t? 🤔
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