It has taken me a long time to get back to writing in a journal. I am this self-proclaimed journalist. Never realised that the word ‘journalist’ could be used for someone who is intent on writing memoirs of one’s own days as they pass on by, heedlessly even, or maybe, if I am in a forgiving mood, lambently.

I have nothing really to contribute except a vast plethora of thoughts as they sweep over my consciousness way faster than I can type them all down. This is like a stream of consciousness zone which is more a tidal wave of thought than a stream.

What prompted me to write in were two things. I reminisced about journals and diaries and what they used to mean to me so very long ago. How did this come about? Well, I was watching Zindagi Gulzar Hai, a Pakistani soap opera, and both the protagonists seem to have a penchant for writing journals. And secondly, I have this brilliant new iMac and I keep wanting to see how fast my fingers can fly over this silver-white keyboard.

I am not very obliged to write down everything that comes to mind, but I will write down how I feel after so long a time has passed since I have done that in confessional prose as opposed to confessional poetry.

The days have been passing one by one. There has been a steady stream of men who come into my life, make me happy for a few hours and then leave. The man who I chose to spend my existence with seems oblivious to my emotional state – not that he ever was attuned to the inner workings of my mind or heart – and the not so surprising part is that I have grown used to his oblivion. The art of compromise has reached post graduation level and I don’t really see the point in fussing over something that he has no control over. It’s almost like when he cheated on me. It wasn’t the sex that hurt because I know it wasn’t an urge that could be controlled but the fact that he had lied about it all.

But I always digress. I picked up the iMac day before, on a Tuesday, and I am quite happy that I am working on it. It seems all that I had hoped for. And so in my 41^st year, I have achieved a 1.5 lakh worth computer. So what if it has been paid for by the one who employs me – in order that I do more of his work. But I must say – having it here makes me want to work more.

Nothing much to report except the fact that I have swung back to old habits of sleeping beyond way six in the morning and waking up around three in the afternoon. I must revert back to sleeping at six so I can at least wake up with softer bags under my eyes at a decent time of one.

My favourite month has begun today. And I welcome it.